Guy Talk: What Is Your Dating Blind Spot?
Everyone has a blind spot. And in the area of dating and women, many men have very prominent blind spots. By definition, we might be unable to diagnose ourselves. But, if we can generate an interesting discussion on blind spots we have noticed in OTHERS, we might be helped to take a different look at ourselves.
I know that when I was starting to learn how to get better with women and dating, a blind spot I had was in my mindset. I suffered from a ‘frame of scarcity’. When I was talking to a woman, I would get so locked-in on her that I would lose all perspective and begin to NEED her approval. This is a huge no-no when meeting women. No woman wants to feel needed within 5 minutes. I could be surrounded by multitudes of women, and still feel a sense of panic if this particular girl was showing signs of losing interest.
My solution to this was to learn more gimmicks, try harder, change my body language etc. My answer was cosmetic…which had little to no effect.
Gaining perspective for me was difficult. But, I eventually obtained it by being persistent and growing my own self-esteem (by building my lifestyle).
What blind spots have you noticed, either in yourself or other guys? Lets get a list going here as a point of reference for guys out there really trying to improve their social lives.
In working with a lot of men, here are a few I’ve noticed:
1) They *THINK* their ‘look’ is strong, when in fact it is boring and average
2) They *THINK* their body language is solid, but when they approach a woman they show blatant signs of neediness and nervousness
3) They *THINK* they have decent breath, but in fact it stinks (more common than you’d think unfortunately)
4) They *THINK* their lifestyle is strong and socially-focused when, in fact, it is average, anti-social and uninviting to women (this one’s complex…and very, very common)
And the biggie…
5) They *THINK* that learning ‘pick-up’ skills will help them to meet women, when in fact their results are barely improving (if at all). The common solution here is to ‘buy more products’ or ‘learn more gimmicks’ or ‘practice harder’ when, in fact, they are aggravating the issue (It’s subtle, but I see this one a lot; in fact, I’ve come to call my 1-1 NYC Dating Coaching “PUA Detox” as many guys are infected with a bunch of rubbish and mental nonsense that is only making matters worse…)
What issues have you seen in your friends, wingmen, or other guys you’ve watched interacting with women?
Again, it might be impossible for you to see your blind spot, but if you can see another’s it might be a clue as to what is infecting you…
Lets go! Add your thoughts below.
Sn.
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About the Author: Stephen Nash is the founder of Cutting Edge Image Consulting. He is an Original Pick-up Artist and a well documented expert. Stephen has worked with thousands of clients, and is the author of the best-selling 
I always be myself when dating with a woman and I really enjoyed it. But this is a great article ...
Sean...
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Actually it looks like one person here does know women. And unfortunately that's not the person peddling his wares ...
Good to see someone is actually reading these 'forums'. I didn't get to see them until like 2 years after ...
Michael | Jun 11, 2010 | Reply
I remember when we met last year:
(A) I thought my sense of style was great! (Seriously.)
(B) I had no idea how intensely I came across. And The Community advice to ‘be Alpha’ was only making it worse for me.
(C) I had found myself getting weird. I honestly thought that I’d have more success with women if I’d only be willing to do more and more approaches, including those ‘fat-chance’ opportunities where she’s in line in the supermarket and is that big guy next to her really her husband.
(D) The scarcity frame. And for some of us living in small towns, the only answer might really be to move. Anyway, the scarcity frame brought on (C) to me. The sitings of a “10″ without a ring on her finger seemed like front-page news.
Cathartic writing this!
Michael | Jun 11, 2010 | Reply
I’ll say more about (C): I’ve even almost done things like run after a woman in the parking lot walking to her car when it is dark out. Almost, as in I chickened out, but I was mad at myself after for ‘being a chode’.
I’m not proud of this, but I did want to tell it as it is.
Stephen Nash | Jun 11, 2010 | Reply
Dude those are AWESOME. I agree re: C. I can remember nearly getting shot at (seriously) at Mel’s in front of Lovedrop and Papa back in the day to try and pull some girls off of some dudes. At one point one of them stood up and said “seriously man, you don’t walk away I’ll pop 3 in your ass”; his sidekick was equally scary. Meanwhile, the dumbass girl just giggled. I walked away. CRAZY and totally unnecessary.
S
PhilJ | Jun 11, 2010 | Reply
Hm. I have a buddy who has some rancorous body odor and he thinks those deodorant sprays are helping. They only ADD to the problem. He now smells like both terrible B.O. and AXE spray…
Also, I’ve heard that I tend to laugh WAY too much at my own jokes…which I’m trying to cut back on.
Michael | Jun 11, 2010 | Reply
@ SN: You approached a girl who was with 2 dudes packing heat? WOW. People talk all the time about brass balls, but that is high-carbon steel.
I knew I had a problem when I found myself cringing when I heard someone say “Hey you look familiar”. I was spending my time in ways that I was ashamed of, which is a POSITIVE sign that something needs to be changed.
Michael | Jun 12, 2010 | Reply
Here is an analogy that helped me. (Politically incorrect I should warn.)
Imagine a woman you are not physically attracted to. I’m not talking about a pretty woman who isn’t your type, I’m talking about someone who really let herself go physically. Anyway, this woman wants to meet a terrific man, a man who has options in his dating life but selects her over the others.
Do you think she will *ever* have luck in that regard spending every night trawling the bars and practice talking to guys? What if she were to practice harder and walk up and talk to the guys she sees? I mean, could you ever be into her? What if they were to take you and make a thousand clones of you (where you all have all these options with women), and she got to talk with all thousand clones of you, do you think that any of them would choose to be with her?
Will water ever freeze at 40 degrees?
Or would she be better off doing things such as say, hitting the gym and picking up some exciting hobbies?
Michael | Jun 13, 2010 | Reply
I have another one that I just realized, today:
(E) Putting image before character. I realize that I have often taken more pride in being ‘one smooth mutha’ than I do in being a good person deep down inside. I see how shallow that sounds when it is put that way, but I had spend *a lot* of energy analyzing a 5-minute interaction with a hot girl whom I cold-approached, and not be fully present when talking even to my grandparents on the phone.
And man, I gotta admit that I *still* struggle with this one. As unhealthful as it is. Sometimes it feels to me that so much is on the line–a relationship, whom I will spend the rest of my life with, and so on.
Stephen Nash | Jun 14, 2010 | Reply
Wow Michael – that last sentence, 1st paragraph, nailed it. Something is wrong if you spend more energy breaking down a ‘set’ than having a chat with your grandfather. Very good.
One thing to remember here: the real relationship cannot be fucked up. You can’t say the ‘wrong’ thing, etc. What attracts is hidden, and is buried in the unspoken. The words are more or less inconsequential. Guys who waste time on the words have missed the boat entirely. This explains the years wasted by most.
Sn.
Michael | Jun 19, 2010 | Reply
Well, here is what I have seen. Most of us who come into The Community really need to improve our social skills to get better with women. It’s the one thing that seems the most crucial–I mean, that you have a Mission or that you are a great person or whatever won’t come out until later, and she won’t find that out about you unless you can engage and hook her. So as social skills seem the most crucial, that is what we focus on. And that is what I focused on.
It is a great thing short-term. Going from nervous and jumpy to assured and poised can only help someone, in all areas of his life. And the success does feed on itself. Thanks to his new-found social skills, he is able to meet more women, which makes him less needy, which makes him even more attractive to women, and so on.
But if all we focus on is social skills, it can make us shallow, unless the focus includes some other worthwhile aim, and connecting with friends and family and humanity in general. See, if someone’s energy is all on Big Impressions and Strong Day 2′s and all his life revolves around is Closing, then he becomes a pretty shallow person. He starts to view women as ‘targets’. He puts a higher priority on a date he just met than on his family or causes that were important to him (if he even had any to begin with).
The paradox though, is that women don’t trust shallow men. They don’t even trust men who put them first too early on. This is why PUA’s generally don’t seem to get very far, even though they are great at meeting women. When it comes time for her to find out more about him, she realizes that there isn’t much to find out about, other than getting some. So she loses interest.
This all happened to me. Coming out of it, I feel much healthier and cooler than I have ever been. I still have those PUA tendencies in my nature, but now that I am aware of it, I can call it out and put it in its place. Anyway, felt like sharing.