April Carpe Diem Contest: Face Your Fear, Change Your Life, Win An iPad

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1. 

   Bob | Apr 5, 2010 | Reply

   Stephen,

   Two questions… Where are we submitting these heart-warming stories? Do you have a section for it, or just post directly on this page?

   Bob

2. 

   Stephen Nash | Apr 5, 2010 | Reply

   Post to this page Bob (the comments section here). If we need to create another venue for these, we will. But, I do think this will suffice.

   ~S.

3. 

   Bob | Apr 5, 2010 | Reply

   Stephen,

   Thank you for the prompt answer. I am setting the standard now, that any poster should proofread their posting, before submitting it. I am taking the bull by the horns and saying to all that may post following I, that they use proper grammar. If you can not figure out how to spell something, go to http://dictionary.com and figure it out.

   My feel good/heart-felt story of “taking action,” is as follows:

   For many years, I have just been a follower or a cow grazing in a field. After getting walked on and getting shafted too many times to count, I finally had enough.

   After too many disappointments and too many let downs, I made a vow to myself to never allow stupid people to affect me again. That was one of the best decisions I made, in my life!

   Now, I am an upstart business owner, with all paperwork being finalized this week.

   Bob

4. 

   Jordan | Apr 5, 2010 | Reply

   I have ADHD. I was diagnosed in 1990, at the tender age of five, after a frenzied episode in which I punched my best friend in the stomach and threw the bathroom pass in the toilet.

   Since then, I’ve kept my hands mostly to myself, but I’ve always struggled with procrastination and follow-through, and these struggles have been the most pronounced in the classroom. I was blessed with a strong memory and a knack for figuring things out in crucial moments, and these gifts have carried me through high school and college; I actually did quite well, graduating 10th in a class of 350 from my high school and finishing college with honors. But, I frequently had to rely on the sympathy and generosity of my teachers and professors. Asking for extensions was the norm, and dropping classes was an out I frequently took: I finished university with 10 course withdrawals on my transcript. When I applied and was accepted to a masters program in mathematics, I vowed that I would stop “gaming the system” and really buckle down. I wanted to get the degree on the merits of my own efforts, rather than by pulling strings and hoping for last-minute miracles.

   Well, here I am, 6 semesters into a 3 semester masters program. I’ve withdrawn from 3 courses and taken incomplete grades in 3 more. I still leave most of my work until the last minute, and some of it never gets finished. Unfortunately, I can’t say that my habits have changed much for the better.

   However, I have done a great deal of personal examination and thinking over the past few years. I’ve come to the conclusion that, while wrestling with ADHD certainly makes things more challenging for me, the real barrier to my success is a fear of failure. I am deeply afraid of what will happen if I put in my all, and still fail. Will I be forced to conclude that I’m just not smart enough?

   To protect my self-image, I avoid this situation by employing near-constant procrastination. The emotional line of reasoning goes: if I don’t put in 100%, I can always justify failure by saying I wasn’t really trying.

   I can’t accept this sort of self-deception in my life any longer. I have one month left until the end of the semester, and I need B grades in my four classes to graduate. Anything less, and I’ll be forced to leave the program.

   They always say that it takes 30 days to build a habit. So, I will use the month of April to develop the daily habit of setting a morning goal for my academics (say, read 30 pages in my textbook), and achieving that goal by the end of the day. If I succeed, not only will I graduate and earn my masters, but I will also be carrying a powerful new sense of discipline with me into the future.

   I am coming into this challenge with the odds against me: I am thoroughly behind in each of my four courses. I’ve calculated that I need to score 90% or better on each of my four final exams to get the requisite B grades. Considering that the class averages on the midterms ranged from 65 to 75, I’ve certainly got my work cut out for me.

   Each day I will post an academic goal in the diary section of my site (www.jordanevolves.com). Each evening, I will report on the day’s accomplishments, and note specifically whether or not I completed the intended task.

   Wish me luck! A strong showing this month will be triumphant finish to a challenging journey.

5. 

   Ricardo | Apr 5, 2010 | Reply

   Hi Stephen!
   I don’t have idea about what an i-pad is… but it looks cool on that picture, hehe.

   I am glad that you made this carpe diem contest, the examples are great and I could apply most of them.

   I was afraid of dancing, I never learned and it was awkward for me because I didn’t “feel” the music but I decided to overcome this fear, now I am already taking dancing classes for two months. Learning to dance was a bit challenging at the beginning, but now I really enjoy it, I have fun, laugh a lot and also meet many woman in the classes.

   I also never learned to swim… I was planning to take swimming lessons in the hot months by the end of the year (here spring begins in September), but now I will consider taking those lessons this month due to your contest!

   Well.. I made many new year resolutions, for example: learn to swim, take dance lessons, get my engineering degree, actively promote classical music, travel to new places… I think I could choose one for the contest and make a plan for this month, I’ll keep you informed!

6. 

   Stephen Nash | Apr 6, 2010 | Reply

   @Bob – can you tell us more? I think a lot of us feel/have felt that way (I have, for sure) and would love to know what your plans are for moving forward. Care to share?

   @Jordan – Great, doable goals which require a strong stretch and lean into the comfort zone. Please keep us posted here as to your progress, grades etc. Would be very interested in how you do.

   @Ricardo – Make a plan and let us know!

   @EVERYONE…c’mon, I know a lot of guys have read this post and haven’t decided to participate. Join in. This is going to be lots of fun and useful, particularly to those who dive in.

7. 

   Bastian | Apr 6, 2010 | Reply

   Thank you so much for putting together this contest, Stephen. Reading the article was already a kick in the butt for me. I don’t know how you did it. I have read other articles about motivation before, but you really caught me here.

   First of all, I’m from Germany, I’ve been studying in English for quite some time, but it is not my mother tongue. So please apologize if I make mistakes. I’m sure you guys are focussing more on the contents than on grammar and spelling.

   If I win one of the Ipads, I don’t want you to go through the trouble of sending it to Germany. A friend of mine is helping college students in Honduras finance their studies, helping them to pay for housing, transportation and books. If it is possible, I’d like you to sell the Ipad (or not buy it) and donate the money to his association. that way the contest that helped me is going to help others as well. Win-Win.

   All right, that has been long enough for an introduction and I want to tell you about my fear and the change I am planning to go through.

   I consider my social skills to be pretty good. I usually feel comfortable in conversations, both talking and listening and I think people perceive me as a social guy who is doing well with other people.

   However, I have been living in Berlin for almost eight months now and I do not yet have a social circle. After eight months! There is a hand full of people who I have regular contact with. I superficially know some bartenders and watresses from going out from time to time, but that’s it.More and more often I am sitting in the living room and feel very alone.

   Then I think about what I could do or who I could meet, but no one really comes to my mind (at least that’s what I think). I’m not all alone. I get along very well with my roommate and my business partner and we do stuff, go out, watch sports etc. from time to time, but that’s not very often, many times only once a week.

   I was in the same situation during my time at college. At the beginning I met many great people and got along with them really well, but after a few months I was out of touch with almost all them.

   The reason for this was not that people didn’t want to have me around or didn’t invite me to meet up or go somewhere. The reason was that I completely isolated myself after a while. I was not motivated to go out and afraid of not being part of the club.

   Many times I didn’t even go to university, because I was afraqid of standing there all by myself, looking like a social misfit. It never happened of course, but in my head, it felt painful enough to stay in my shell.

   The same thing is happening right now in Berlin. I’m growing a pretty successful startup company, people approach me and want to meet me, but I am isolating myself most of the time. This feels very incongruent to me, because as I mentioned before, I’m usually a social guy who enjoys being around people. Bt for some reasion I am still afraid that I could get in a situation where I feel awkward and am confronted with my loneliness.

   In the coming weeks I will break through this fear, meet people and build a social circle. I already have some good ideas how to start and how to push this as fast as possible.

   On April 30th I want to be able to say: “Thank you so much, Stephen! You helped me to handle one of my biggest challenges in life and build a social circle of great people in little more than three weeks!”

   I’ll keep you posted!

   Bastian

8. 

   Alex | Apr 6, 2010 | Reply

   hey Stephen,

   Here is the gist my story. I have some social anxiety issues that make me fear social situations. I don’t know why but I feel as if I have to be accepted or I have to perform well in front of others. Its weird cause as I look back, I realize all the people I could of potentially met if this wasn’t the case (girlfriends, best-friends, etc..).
   So what I do to isolate myself is play video games and at times watch porno. I know they are bad habits but my fear of social situations and the likes make me fall back.

   So what I plan to do to face my fear is to take on a new hobby (where people socialize alot ) and develop my social vibe. Also instead of playing video games, go out for a little adventure everyday, (as simple as walking around the neighborhood, to hiking in the woods).

   Time to get to work.

9. 

   Stephen Nash | Apr 7, 2010 | Reply

   @Bastian & @Alex – both GREAT posts and directions. Eager to hear updates as you get them. Good stuff!!

   Sn.

10. 

    Stephen Nash | Apr 8, 2010 | Reply

    BTW @Bastian – what is the association your friend is with? Sounds interesting.

11. 

    Bastian | Apr 8, 2010 | Reply

    @Stephen It’s called FIBA, a Berlin-based association he founded after a stay in Honduras. This is a great city to grow somthing like that. People are not particularly prosperous but eager to give back, especially younger people and foreigners.

    Btw I’m working on my mission. Tomorrow I’ll post my first update with my approach and the results so far.

12. 

    Ricardo | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    I love classical music, I discovered it when I was fifteen years. It’s my favorite music and I almost can’t relate to other type of music (I rarely listen to other types of music) so when I was in a conversation with my friends and they started talking about music I rarely understood them, they usually talk about famous artists and they didn’t seem very interested in classical music…

    That kind of things made me avoid talking about my love for classical music, I usually go to concerts, but only my closest friends know about it and sometimes (not very often) they join me. At concerts people is older, I am 23, and the average age of the audience is usually much older than that.

    I was convinced that there are very few people who like this music, maybe it was because this was music for some ‘selected’ people, but why? This doesn’t make much sense.

    One day I found this video (check that video):
    http://www.ted.com/talks/benjamin_zander_on_music_and_passion.html
    It is about Benjamin Zander sharing his infectious passion for classical music.
    He states: “Everybody loves classical music; it’s just that many people haven’t found out about it yet.”
    That speech was mind shifting… maybe I was not seeing things in the right way…

    Usually I felt lonely because none of my small circle of friends loved it as much as me, music means a lot to me and I didn’t have anyone to share that. But now I think that I have unlimited possibilities of sharing my love for classical music because many people, especially those who are around my age, haven’t discovered it.

    The fear I am going to face is to open more myself, I guess that all this time I was afraid that someone makes fun of it or mock me for having a different taste.

    My plan? Basically it is about learning everyday a little more about classical music, there are many interesting pieces, stories, things to share. Invite people to concerts, or make them listen to some pieces. Ultimately classical music promotes itself and I am just going to help people discover their untapped love for it. And it serves me because I will need to be more open and social while doing this.

    I will share more details of my plan later.

    All the best luck to those who are participating,

13. 

    Jordan | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    This challenge is proving to be more difficult than I initially anticipated.

    Yesterday for example: I got to the library around 11:30am… a step in the right direction. But once I began my first goal assignment slated for the day, I quickly became overwhelmed. It’s easy to declare from afar that I will complete this or that task, but once I start getting my hands dirty, I’m usually in for quite a reality check. I tend to underestimate how long things will take, and overestimate how well I know the material. I need to start doing two things, among others: begin working earlier; and chunk into smaller pieces.

    Another challenge: I am a pro at rationalizing, and I believe my own lies and excuses far too often. The director of my program emailed me stating that he will allow me to continue taking courses into the next school year to finish up my degree… and now the temptation to withdraw from two of my four courses and postpone them to lighten the load is quite strong. I don’t know if I’m being realistic when I say to myself that it’s unlikely that I’ll pass all four courses this semester; or if I’m just quivering before the FEAR of possible failure.

    Any suggestions?

    (you can follow my day-to-day at my diary on my site… just click on my name at the top of this comment, and then click on Diary)

14. 

    Stephen Nash | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    @Jordan What would be wrong with failure? Often our fear outweighs the reality of the purported ‘failure’. Why don’t you speak with your advisor/director about the proposal? Probably can’t hurt.

    Also, try this technique for easing the burden on your work – work on 1 thing at a time for one hour – then, take a break and re-asses. This way, you get something done, and you can reevaluate at the end what really needs to be done next.

    Makes sense?

    Sn.

15. 

    Alex | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    Update, the other day took a stroll in the park and ended up playing some pickup bball. It was 9pm at night, who knew the locales come out that late to play bball (my age too).

    Anyway, as far as the social hobby is concerned, I got a volunteer position at the local Emergency Department. Good chance to socialize with patients and hopefully cute nurses . I start on Sunday, I’m excited.

    Any other ideas of social hobbies/activities to take up to develop social skills ?

16. 

    Mark | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    About 3 years ago, I moved to a small country town, about 3 hours drive away from the city that I grew up in. I had alot of friends, a really nice girlfriend and I really thought that id never be alone.
    But ever since my move away from the neighbor hood I grew up in, I have always been a little distant from people.

    In a sense, because of my move away from my closest friends, I have kind of become anti-social. I haven’t really bothered to go out and meet new people, have social interactions and experience a true sense of happiness.

    I do have a few friends that I go to college with, but I don’t really have any friends that would call me just to hang out.

    My fear is that I will be alone in the world for a very long time and really not meet anybody around my new area. And I am also afraid about how this will affect me in the future.

    Now, the way that I will handle this fear is actually quite simple. I will go out, to a place where people get together and socialize, and I will simply be nice to people.

    I will approach as many people as I can within the next month or so, guys and girls, to overcome my loneliness, at the same time overcome my fear of being alone for the rest of my life while making new friends.

    I will keep you updated on my journey over the next few weeks. Let me see how many new faces I will see. This is really uncomfortable writing this. Keep you updated!

17. 

    Ron | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    No man likes to admit to his percieved short comings.I guess it takes courage to admit them though,so,To begin with,I concider myself to be a confident man with good self esteem.The problem is that i have no friends where i live.I don’t usually have trouble talking to other people but i don’t get out much.I have a problem talking to most women but i don’t know why,i’m a very open person and can talk about almost anything.I need to change my FEAR of talking to women.I have a good personality and i’m easy going and i carry myself well with good body language but, i stick on my approach,this has to change because it’s holding me back from finding a good woman. I don’t have a problem flirting and like i said i’m an open person.So,I guess my Fear is just that,Being myself with women i don’t know.I’m going out tonight and i’m going to make an effort to approach and talk to more women,knowing very well that rejection is part of the so called game,or is that an underlying fear i have in my subconcious? hmmm maybe. I Will post again and let you know what happened…

18. 

    Curtis | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply

    My biggest fears was when,I was a litte boy around the of the age of three, I was afraid of the dark and girls. My father told me ghost stories about no headed ghost,since I was a little boy, I believe my father because parents don’t suppose to lie to children, but I had to go into my bedroom byself after he had me shake from listen to him tell those scary ghost tales, he was doing this on purposes to imbed fear into me. My fear for women comes from my mother who made sure that she kept a tight diciplinary rope around me. she never let me out of her site. And if any girl would come around she would call me back into the house. I was so afraid of women through out my life I didn’t have a girlfriend, If ,I knew a woman was watching me, I would turn my head instantly. I had so much fear of women that if they would call me over, I would make and exit to get away from them. That why I came across you website I’m 40 years old now, I can honestly say, I just started to approaching women. My biggest fears was facing the fear that it might be conquered.

19. 

    Prasheen | Apr 10, 2010 | Reply

    Hello to all,

    I want to tell you my story. I’ve been following some of Stephen’s mailing list for a while and never quite got involved with anything. But subscribing to a newsletter for motivation is often exactly what we need to remind ourselves in our inbox. It could so happen that of the thousands of emails I may receive, one such “junk mail” might change my life. It was a mail I received on July 18th, 2009.
    ———————————————————
    From: Stephen Nash
    Subject: “If I were looking at you right now, what would I see Prasheen?”

    Selected Content:

    How do you think people see you, when they first meet you?
    What is your first impression? Do You Even KNOW Prasheen?
    ———————————————————

    So there i was not only thinking inside a box, but living in one. I’m not saying I had a bad life. In fact, by all standards, it was I life most of us think we want!

    “The American Dream”

    I had a successful career which was growing, a beautiful girlfriend who I lived with in my new waterfront condo, a nice car, fun friends, loving family, a new dog….

    But I stopped and asked myself just that, “What do people see?”

    And to answer that, I needed to know who I am. The truth is, all of those things I had wouldn’t make me happy unless I searched for what it was that I was here for. If I am real, and offer something that is from my soul that I am passionate about then that would be a great impression to give to others. It would be genuine.

    I am talking about the artists, the musicians, the writers, those who live outside the lines.

    A natural choice for me was to travel to a place which my ancestors came from. Two generations back, my arm of the family tree left india and then to Canada via South Africa.

    Having now spent 6 months in India, I have taken the time to learn what is important. Some people here don’t have even a roof over their heads or shoes for their feet…

    …and yet – the natural starry sky offers the best ceiling in the world. Who needs shoes, when feet were meant for walking. Life here has been surreal, and eye-opening. You realise that there are other things in this world besides fancy clothes and money. More so, you can discover who you are.

    I have since been learning tabla (Traditional Indian percussion), I have started writing, I have started a life worth living. Outside the box entirely, I have now traveled from the foot hills of the himalayas through some of the highest terrains in the world, to a land of ancient kingdoms in South India. What wonders the world has if we allow ourselves to escape.

    Born again, the fear that I faced was my greatest fear: The fear of captivity. I didn’t realise just how much then, but I was living in self-inflicted captivity. Overcoming each hurdle, one by one, abandoning my career and my entire life for that matter, my journey has begun!

    I don’t know how to conform to the guidelines of this contest because a follow up report is expected to show what changes have occurred. And these changes have been happening daily.

    If you would like to know more. You can follow my blog at http://www.prasheen.com or I can post a follow up here!

    Love to all

20. 

    Bastian | Apr 10, 2010 | Reply

    @Ricardo: I am fascinated by your fascination of classical music and even though I am not very knowledgebale in calssical music myself I respect your passion if you stand behind it one hundred percent.

    @Alex, Mark and Ron: Looks like we are working on the same challenge. I’m looking forward to learn more about your ideas and your progress.

    @all: Of course I want to give you a quick update on how I plan to build a social circle of great people in the next weeks and what I have done so far.

    First of all, I detached this mission from meeting women. I don’t mind if I meet someone with whom I can develop a sexual relationshipship, but my clear focus is on building a circle of friends and acquaintances to share great moments with each other and support each other with whatever challenge we are facing right now.

    I thought it would be a good idea to start by looking for people with common interests. In September I am going to run the Berlin marathon, so I started to look for studivz groups (German copycat of facebook) on that topic and soon I found several hundred people who will participate as well. So far I sent messages to ten or 15 people and about 5 have replied. Not sure where it’s gonna go though. I contacted them by simply stating that I’m running the marathon as well and asking if it was their first time, how their training went or something like that. Thoughts on this approach?

    Also I contacted people on facebook who are in the same fan group as I am (a fan group of an outdoor karaoke event in a park) asking them if they habe ever sung at the event or when next one was going to be. I received to replies out of something aroun eight messages so far.

    Also I started looking for acitivities I can take up and events I could visit to meet interesting people. I thought being a journalist and writing for city magazines would be a great way to vivist some hot events and meet people so I researched a couple of interesting magazines on culture and nightlife and asked them if they habe a writing job for me. I am looking forward to the replies.

    I also want to visit one of the toastmasters clubs in Berlin (I was thinking about this for a while now, but I think now is the right time). I have no major issues speaking in public, but the last time I held a presentation was in university, more than a year ago. So I can need some practice.

    Moreover I want to meet people through the ones I already know and reangage with those I have met once or always wanted to meet, but never had the “time” to.

    I know, you’re an expert on social circles, Stephen. I am grateful for any advice!

    Stay tuned.

21. 

    Ricardo | Apr 10, 2010 | Reply

    Hi! I am the enthusiastic classical-music-evangelist and here are more details of my plan:

    The idea is to invite young people to concerts, young people who didn’t have the chance to enjoy live performances of classical music, so…

    - I am making something like a poll, I ask people if they listen to classical music (and if not why?) Well… the answers are different, many people say they listen classical, but they don’t have a clear idea about what ‘classical’ is, others say that they listen to it to relax, about this a great conductor Nikolaus Harnoncourt said it better: “Music should always affect people’s lives. It has always been my conviction that music is not there to soothe people’s nerves or to bring them relaxation, but rather, to open their eyes, to give them a good shaking, even to frighten them. If music cannot do this, then I don’t play it.”
    These answers are giving me a more clear idea of how to approach this topic.
    - For those who never listen to classical music, I am going to make them listen to some pieces… I downloaded an album with the most famous classical pieces, not complete works, but they are all beautiful (after all I started listening to classical music thanks to one album like this) I have the music in my MP3 and I am going to make listen it to people. Also I am learning everyday something new about classical, there is a lot of very interesting information, I enjoy learning or listening to a new piece everyday.
    - I need to be aware of every concert in town and with anticipation. I realized that knowing with anticipation is important, because today I was planning to take some friends today to see ballet in the theatre, but I called to the theatre to make reservations and there were not tickets left!… fortunately another orchestra is giving a concert tonight, so I am taking my friends there.
    - What else? Theatres also want to promote classical music to younger audiences, and sometimes they offer discounts or give special presentations, I will let them know that I am very interested in this and maybe I can help them and vice-versa.

    I am going to do all these things and then I will evaluate what works better.

22. 

    Ricardo | Apr 10, 2010 | Reply

    @Bastian Hey man, you don’t need to know anything of classical music to enjoy it… not even to talk about it, you can say “I love Brahms” and you will start a conversation with a classical-music-lover and trust me, we are all eager to share something about what we love.

    @All this contest will make us face some difficulties.
    Here’s a poem by Edgar Guest “It couldn’t be done” It is very inspirational to me, and I wanted to share it with you:

    There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
    There are thousands to prophesy failure;
    There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
    The dangers that wait to assail you.
    But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
    Just take off your coat and go to it;
    Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
    That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.

23. 

    Bastian | Apr 11, 2010 | Reply

    @Ricardo: That’s pretty much whatn I mean. As long as we share something we love, other people will respect it.

    However, don’t make the mistake and overgeneralize your perspective. Not everyone likes classical music, just like not everyone likes watching soccer or eating fish.

24. 

    Ron | Apr 11, 2010 | Reply

    Well,I said i would post after i had been out.I was out last night.I went to the local karaoke bar to do some singing and see what girls came in to have fun.You know,of course the night i want to try to beak some of my Fear it was dead in there,just a few couples and some i wasnt interested in.Do i want to hit on women i don’t really want? or should i pactice anyway?

25. 

    Jordan | Apr 11, 2010 | Reply

    @Prasheen: Dude your story sounds amazing. I’m curious: how tough was it to leave behind the condo, the girlfriend, the car, the dog? I gotta admit: I’m still quite dazzled by the trappings of Western success. Do you think there’s room in a Western lifestyle to experience the sort of spiritual awakening you’ve found in India? I hope there is… I want to have it all!

    @Bastian, Alex, Mark, and Ron: Do you guys have amateur sports leagues in your area? Around NYC there’s something called Zog Sports that guys (and girls) can join… it’s a great way to meet people in the area and get in some exercise and competitive fun. I think anything involving teamwork and competition would be a great way to build new connections. It really helps to have a group of people expecting you to show up… gives you a bit more incentive to make moves!

    My status: My weekend was pure indulgence, plain and simple. Chilled with some buddies, spent time outside, and ate lavishly. And it isn’t over yet… going to see Hot Tub Time Machine later tonight! But come Monday morning, my schoolwork is gonna get hit hard! I’ll be getting a few grades back this week so I’ll be sure to post the (hopefully good) news!

26. 

    Alex | Apr 11, 2010 | Reply

    Volunteer work at the hospital today. Working in the ED. It was exhausting but rewarding. Working with majority of women at the hospital.

    I’m learning a lot about communication and how important it is. One omitted piece of info can make a huge difference when treating someone and everyone has to be on the same page about things.

27. 

    Prasheen | Apr 12, 2010 | Reply

    @Prasheen: Dude your story sounds amazing. I’m curious: how tough was it to leave behind the condo, the girlfriend, the car, the dog? I gotta admit: I’m still quite dazzled by the trappings of Western success. Do you think there’s room in a Western lifestyle to experience the sort of spiritual awakening you’ve found in India? I hope there is… I want to have it all!

    @jordan: Leaving behind my world proved easier than expected. It was a shift of the mind more than anything really. I had every reason you can imagine holding me back. Car payments, mortgage, career etc… But once I made the mental shift, every obstacle vanished. There proved to be a relatively easy solution for each when I realized that I could actually go after what I wanted.

    It’s not that I intend to live like this my entire life, but surely while my limbs are working strong (i.e.- I am young) I don’t want to sit in a cubicle staring at a computer screen for 50 hours a week. Its not entirely perfect, but in retrospect, this was one of the greatest decisions I’ve made in my life. I’ll give you an example. This morning, I woke up for the sunrise, which I watched from the banks of the Ganga river in Rishikesh, India. Then I took a stroll to these incredible waterfalls in the forest. When I got there, I met a beautiful french tourist and without hesitation I dove into the waterfall. She was soon to follow.

    The truth is, when you stop limiting yourself, you allow yourself to really LIVE. Take a look at this video on my last blog post (www.prasheen.com) and you will get an idea of what life here has been like.

    So for you I say, Keep at it bro. When you believe you can overcome your fear, then its as good as complete!

    “A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for”

    Compared to the captivity I was caught in, back in Canada…My life is now a dream.

28. 

    Stephen Nash | Apr 12, 2010 | Reply

    @ALL – GREAT stuff…really enjoying everyone’s comments. And remember, in order to be considered for the contest, you must post the fear you intend to face, your plan for facing it, and the results post-mortem. The more you post re: the process, the more you will let us into your world, improving your chances of winning the prize.

    Sn

29. 

    Brian | Apr 12, 2010 | Reply

    Hello Stephen and all! I have been following your blog and receiving your e-newsletter since last August of 09. I just wanna say your stuff is great all around, and it’s real! I know I am a bit late to join the competition but it was taking me a looong time to think of something to change. Your most recent blog about thinking different really got me thinking the last few weeks in general.
    I have come a long way from when I first began looking at your work. I have built for myself a more attractive lifestyle/personality than ever before. I still am working on meeting new women, but I do have more women friends presently and much better interactions with them. It was tricky to think of a fear to face. One of the areas I lack in my life that significantly could use some help is my emotions and how I portray them. My fear I would like to face is my emotional intelligence. Now this may sound boring to a lot of people, but in defining my purposes in life and future career I feel developing this aspect of my self will greatly help me in many ways. Just this last Saturday I was sitting in my apartment doing some school work and remembered a conversation I had had with my father a while back and also a result of looking more into Napoleon Hill(thanks for bringing him to my attention in a old post). I typed in emotional intelligence and ended up on Queendom.com and decided to take an EI IQ test. I ended up paying the 7 plus dollars to get the full results. Here is part of the results to summarize my stengths, potential strengths, and weaknesses.
    Strengths

    · Excellent objective emotional intelligence
    · Good ability to recognize emotions in others
    · Very little difficulty with emotional integration
    · Possesses good insight into the emotions of others

    Potential strengths

    · Good emotional IQ level
    · Moderate amount of goal orientation and motivation
    · Moderately high opinion of own emotional intelligence
    · Passable ability to deal with own emotions and those of others

    Areas of concern

    · Poor overall self-reported emotional intelligence
    · Poor self-reported emotional insight into self
    · Insufficient comfort expressing emotions
    The areas of concern are my main focus points. This fear I would like to face is something that will help me be a more confident/ attractive among other things. After taking this test I decided this is a just a test, one that’s answers identified with my beliefs of self but I need to learn more about my EI. Just last night, I was at the school library and checked out the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. His big thing is that it’s more than just and EI IQ test results as basis for low and high points. I just started it tonight but only got through a couple pages. Reading this book is the first step to improving in my low points of EI. Since school is busy with finals coming up I am unsure how much more I will be able to do for the rest of this month but I will at least read this entire book, and every few days I will post information from the book that pertains to my problem areas and things I am learning and/ or a goal by what I am learning and can apply. This is a good start and I am confident I will succeed at overcoming this fear whether it take me a month or 6 months, more in a few days..!

30. 

    Stephen Nash | Apr 13, 2010 | Reply

    @Brian We’ve got a long way to go, so it’s DEFINITELY not too late to submit and get moving. Thanks for the post!

    Sn.

31. 

    Joey | Apr 14, 2010 | Reply

    How much would you sacrifice to save those closest to you? An arm… A leg… A kidney?

    I’m pretty close to my older brothers, seeing as they looked after me until we left Brazil. At the time, my mum was always going AWOL; like many women there do. My dad was away making the money and sending it back home. He worked for an oil exploration company and could be away from home for up to six months at a time. Don’t get me wrong, when the s**t hit the fan he showed that he’s an amazing father.

    We’re living in England now. My brothers, my dad and I; just the boys you could say.
    We left Brazil pretty quickly after my mum pulled out a magnum. Thank God most women can’t shoot straight. She sacrificed her sanity a long time before she pulled the trigger!
    Let’s just say the family that’s left is pretty close. We’re a dying clan… now literally that’s true. Its genetic or some s**t!?

    Let me explain.
    Two weeks ago my dad confronted me with the news that my brother had a problem. It’s called Polycystic Kidney Disease. “Call him,” he said. What the hell was I supposed to say to him? But that was beside the point. I had big things going on in my life already, it was all going so well, now this s**t! I was already at a crossroads.
    Do I stay in my comfortable stable job (haha, job stability is a myth), or do I take a leap of faith and follow my dream of becoming a market day trader from close to homeless begging income (no capital). It’s pretty challenging with money, let alone without it. But it can be done… I believe!

    My brother’s condition has progressed early for his age. He’s 28 and I’m 24. He’s already suffering from severe kidney issues. I figure that if my brother needs one of my kidneys sometime in the near future, I’m going to give this thing ‘life’ one hell of a ride! What the hell are you or I waiting for anyway?
    Let’s sort this ‘job’ thing out first!

    I think it takes a lot of balls to confront your boss with no warning and tell him: “I think I’m going to leave”… “You THINK?” he said… “Yeah I’ve thought about it and now I’m leaving”. It’s immeasurably liberating, believe me.
    The news didn’t go too well when I told my dad later that day that I had decided to leave work to pursue a career as a self-unemployed day trader. Yes, I did say self-UNemployed. I want to take full responsibility for my income. I don’t like people telling me what time I have to wake up either. F**k off, I’m done sleeping when my eyes open, not a second before!

    And yes, I’m being kicked out as soon my four weeks leaving notice is over, that’s about a week away now. I can’t wait until I’m free! Life should be challenging anyway. And it starts on the 23rd of April!

    Who the hell would choose comfort rather than adventure? The answer, unfortunately: almost everyone.

    I’ve been taking a close look at the older people around me lately and all I see are the dysfunctional or morbidly quiet lives of people that I never want to be like. Is it the fear of becoming like them that drives me? I don’t think so. It’s the rewards of becoming what I want to be!
    Was it my brother’s circumstances that finally pushed me to my final decision? Maybe, but the idea was already there, seeded in my mind.

    A fresh business move, a new home, liberating new responsibilities… And still both my kidneys! I’m not greedy, I just like my organs where they are, but if the worst comes, one less kidney is better than one less brother! Nothing can stop me now! Just hold on there, bro! We’re both going to live…

32. 

    Michael | Apr 14, 2010 | Reply

    Well, I’m not sure how relevant this is to the contest, but I’m making it a point to find my mission, my purpose.

    I have a job that I am good at, and that more than pays the bills. I have a couple hobbies that interest me. I now have a good sense of fashion and solid social skills. The action plan that I had for 2009 worked for me, in the sense that I grew in areas I really needed to grow in. I ended 2009 a better person than I started it.

    But….I still don’t feel that I have a mission, a sense of contribution, to speak of. I have moments where I feel that I have talents that I am not using to their full capacity. I’m not sure if my life yet has the meaning I want it to have.

    The above was sort of vague. My goal for this month is to make this more specific, and come up with an action plan that works for me, in 2010. More to come!

33. 

    Stephen Nash | Apr 14, 2010 | Reply

    @Michael About time you got on board here with the April contest Michael. Check out my blog post re: the book “Linchpin”, I think it might help with your question:

    http://www.datingsecretsformen.com/2010/03/31/read-this-book-linchpin/

    Sn.

34. 

    Jordan | Apr 16, 2010 | Reply

    @Brian: Emotional Intelligence is a great read! Also check out Goleman’s Social Intelligence… not quite as much of a classic but still really worthwhile, particularly if you’re interested in seduction and social dynamics.

    @Joey: Wow, man. I really like your writing style. How is the day trading going?? I’m studying mathematical finance and thinking of doing some trading myself…

    @Stephen: I took your advice and spoke with the program director. I decided to complete two of my courses this semester, and take the other two next year while working full time. I’m planning to move into Manhattan at the end of April (moving in with a friend, finally out the house!) and find a job by the end of May.

    Meanwhile, over the next three weeks I need to do the following to complete my mission: study for and earn an A on my Numerical Analysis exam, and complete my thesis for Computational Finance. I just got a CompFin quiz back (88%, about 15 points above the class average!) and I’m waiting for the grade on my Numerical midterm (expecting a B+, will keep you guys posted). Breathing a little easier now that I’m working with two courses instead of four, but the thesis in particular poses a challenge.

    The last two weeks have been pretty solid but I need to rev harder, particularly in the morning hours. For the remaining two weeks of April, I intend to wake up and hit the work immediately after breakfast (by 8am).

35. 

    Alex | Apr 16, 2010 | Reply

    Update :

    This past week, I had done some door to door advertising for my business, and it was very interesting.

    I visited this one old lady, and apparently she liked me enough that she wanted to invite me for a cup of tea inside her house ( a total stranger ). She wanted to discuss her health problems, go figure. Anyway,it was fun socializing with total strangers and seeing how far things go. Afterward, I felt a social buzz or high in my head (not sure if you know what I mean) and I’m excited to make some progress.

36. 

    Mark | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply

    Okay guys, I figured it was time to update everybody how im coping with my mission, to make new friends. I have been going out alone, to bars around my town, checking out the nightlife and talking to alot of different people.
    So far, I have talked to at least 30 strangers, both men and women the like and have simply been nice to them. I have had a few very cool conversations with alot of the guys, that have even invited me out to party with them over the next few weeks. Now I thought that everything was going fine for me when I approached a nice little red head playing a poker machine, I gained enough courage to walk right up to her and ask her how her night has been, she told me everything was going fine. From the expression on her face, it looked as though she was pissed off at me or she thought i was as ugly as sin. Now talking about jumping out of ones comfort zone. Then I tried to keep the conversation going by asking her where she was from, she then said “why the hell should I tell you?” and got up and walked off. That felt like a real kick in the gut, but other than that I feel like I am on the road to building a new social circle. Thank you stephen for this contest, it is a real kick up the butt for me. I think my skills chatting up ladies needs drastic improvement though. We will see how we go. Goodluck to all the other guys on your journey to leaving your comfort zones. I know for sure I have left mine.

37. 

    Jordan | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply

    @Mark: Props man for getting out there and striking up conversations. That redhead sounds like a real bitch! Don’t let her reaction sour your enthusiasm man, keep at it!

    A few other things:

    - Looks don’t really matter, but image does. For example, I have an Italian friend named Vito who is about 65 pounds overweight. But, he uses this to his advantage by dressing really well and pulling off this sort of “Mafioso” look that a lot of chicks really dig. Are you well-groomed, shaved, hair cut, etc.? Are your clothes presentable? Do you have a particular “image”, as Stephen talks about? If not these are definitely things to take action on… improving them will improve your results.

    - With this particular girl, how did you approach? Sometimes it’s easier for me to successfully open if I start the conversation sort-of “over the shoulder”… lean against the wall next to her and watch some guys play pool or mess with your phone or whatever for a few seconds, and then turn your head toward her and deliver your opening line with your body still oriented out into the open room. This method seems to work well because it says “Eh, I’m bored so I guess I’ll just strike up a conversation with you” instead of “I’ve been staring at you from the other side of the bar all night and I think you’re my soul mate.” It’s generally good to come off as a bit disinterested, until she actually says or does something interesting.

38. 

    Michael | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply

    @Mark: What Jordan said already. Congratulations for leaving your comfort zone! Don’t take what happened with that redhead personally. She did you a favor by blowing you out so cruelly. You know she wasn’t right for you.

    I also think that you got blown off simply because the last bunch of guys she talked to turned out to be jerks, so she is cutting you off preemptively. It’s not personal–how could it be? She doesn’t even know you.

    I love Jordan’s post, except for one thing. I’m just not a fan of “I’m talking to you because I’m bored…” frame. It never felt real to me, and if you have to make any effort to engage the girl (e.g., walking over to her table) it’s going to come across as off to the girl. And even if it doesn’t come across as off, the ‘too-cool for school’ approach has burned a lot of guys. If she is a girl who is hoping to connect with a cool guy (even if not in a bar) and you present yourself well, she will be happy you came over. A little vulnerability in the context of strength (which is precisely what Stephen’s direct approach shows) is very attractive.

39. 

    Michael | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply

    @Stephen: I am checking out that book, “Linchpin”. Thanks!

40. 

    Joey | Apr 19, 2010 | Reply

    @Jordan: Hi Jordan. I’m not trading real-time yet as I’m still employed till this Friday ha-ha. I will be trading properly next week. I’m putting the last finishing touches on my trading strategy and sorting out somewhere to live at the moment. I need somewhere big enough to park my Porsche Turbo…

    Mathematical Finance sounds interesting. How long have you been studying?

    I believe it takes a lot of emotional control and confidence to trade successfully. If you can handle the emotional rollercoaster of the markets ups and downs then women should be easy wouldn’t you say?…

41. 

    Stephen Nash | Apr 22, 2010 | Reply

    9 days to go Gentlemen…it’s not too late to join the party! Great submissions so far btw.

    Sn.

42. 

    Alex | Apr 22, 2010 | Reply

    Update,

    Went to a salsa event at my college. Danced with a few ladies but no digits. No prob though, got in a good social vibe and all. Not the best dancer but trying new things has been a great way to grasp a social vibe.

43. 

    Bob | Apr 23, 2010 | Reply

    Stephen,

    Sorry for being away for so long… Life does take me in different directions.

    As far as describing where I have been and where I am going, here it is:

    It all started when my father jumped on top of my mother… Nine months later, I came out kicking and screaming!

    My childhood was spend growing up in a trailer park. I had all sorts of friends throughout the years… Ones that stuck around, ones that stuck around for a few years and some that were here and gone, before you knew it.

    My parents were hard workers and provided for both my sister and I. My parents provided very well, but did not spoil… They were not the ones to take their kids out to the store to buy new shoes, just because a grass stain was on the shoe. Though my parents were not poor, they were not wealthy in the sense of having the latest and greatest things. Not bad though, for having parents that both were high school drop outs.

    Growing up as an adolescent, I had to learn to grow up before my time. My father had become disabled with Parkinson’s Disease in 1991. I entered high school in 1991, so I did not really have “teen” years. I graduated high school in 1995 with being the last of four kids to graduate high school. Still, not bad for having parents that both dropped out of high school.

    Side note: Each of my parents had a child from a previous marriage.

    In 1998, I had a bad last half of year with a bad employment situation, a run-in with the law and my father succumbing to the complications from Parkinson’s Disease.

    From 1998-ish to mid-2002, I had played follow the leader. I did not know which direction to go or what to do with my life. In late 2001, I was offered a position that came with the ability to bring others aboard. In mid-2002, I was fired, by the guy that I hired… It took me a year, but I got retribution. You will have to ask me, how I got my retribution.

    I spent from the time of being fired in mid 2002 to mid 2003, figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. This year long period was about unwinding and listening to what others had to say. But most importantly, it was about self-discovery. I needed to learn what my likes and dislikes, truly were… Not what others told me I should like or dislike.

    In June of 2003, I took it upon myself to go to truck driving school, while working part time. I graduated in the upper percentile of the class, in December of 2003. From the begging of 2004 to the beginning of 2006, I was active in the trucking industry as a driver. In February of 2006, I had lost my job as a truck driver and tried to get full time hours at my part time job. There were no extra hours to be had.

    In May of 2006, I had a breakdown and put myself in to therapy. After some time with professional help, I have emerged better and stronger than when I had first sought help. At present day, I am almost fully recovered.

    Since my journey in the realm of professional help to get myself re-focused and realigned, I have come to the conclusion that I will no longer work hard. I will be working smart.

    I have been taking courses for financial stability and wealth building. There is now a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel for me. My target is in sight. I just have a few more baby steps to go and the flood gates will open.

    The baby steps that I have gone through and the ones that are to come, are all worth the golden nugget that is at the end of the tunnel…

    Bob

44. 

    Prasheen | Apr 23, 2010 | Reply

    Since coming to India, I had mentioned that I faced the fear of captivity. I was captured by a lifestyle that was not mine and didn’t represent who I am.

    In india, i told myself that arriving here, I would embrace every opportunity, instead of living in a box and give time to the things I normally neglect in Canada.

    I’m referring to the passions of the right brain. I am passionate about music, writing, drawing and anything else that sparks creativity. Too often we dull ourselves with the mundane. I think my life before and my life now can be summarized by this picture:

    http://tinyurl.com/39rxdko

    So what am I doing now? Where am I? I am sitting on a mountain top at in northern India in a small village called Kasar Devi. From here, on a clear day I can see a panorama of the entire Himalayan range. I came here two days ago because I wanted to take a dive into one of my passions – writing.

    I have always wanted to write a book, as I feel like it would be something that I could offer to this world. Something representative of me as opposed to working for a blue chip company and hoping that my contribution yields a few extra dollars on its annual statement. Its time I live life for my goals, because if not now, then when?!

    So I am staying with a family here, and their son had mentioned to me that I can borrow his laptop (which is more like an antique brick) anytime I like. Here in a magical place where my mind can be clear of all distractions, I plan to stay a while and write a fictional adventure novel. Fictional works always seem to have more truth in them than non-fiction anyways!

    So, that’s it then! I’m at a place in my life where I never dreamed I could be. Mentally and physically. Of course, as my travel budget drys up, the ipad would also make for a valuable tool.

    But while the iPad made for interesting motivation to accelerate my goals, i think the real prize has already been won by all of us. Acknowledging that there is plenty we can each strive for and overcoming our obstacles and fears starts today.

    Good luck to all and If I manage to find an internet connection soon, I will gladly keep you posted.

    Love from Kasar Devi – Almora, India.
    http://www.prasheen.com

45. 

    Jordan | Apr 24, 2010 | Reply

    One more week! We all need to hit it hard until the end of April.

    Here is what I’m shooting for:
    - Wake up at 7am every day (haven’t done this ONCE yet this month so it could be tough)
    - Eat 5 healthy meals every day
    - Exercise (run) every day

    And in particular with regards to transforming my schoolwork habits:
    - Complete my masters thesis (30 pages plus a C++ program) before May 1, by putting in six consecutive 8-hour work days starting tomorrow

    My performance thus far has been disappointing. I’ve completed substantial amounts of schoolwork on only 7 out of the 20 days I’ve been tracking. I’ve stuck to my diet for only 9 out of the 20 days, and exercised only 8 out of the 20 days. And, I’ve managed to sleep past my intended wake-up time EVERY day!

    The diet, exercise, and wakeup goals are auxiliary goals, and it would be great to achieve them, but the schoolwork one is crucial. I need to complete my C++ option-pricing program and write a 30-page thesis based on it in the next 6 days. Wish me luck.

46. 

    Alex | Apr 25, 2010 | Reply

    Update :

    To recall, I had some social anxiety issues that I needed to work out.
    Today I volunteered at the hospital today and it was a very interesting experience. One of the nurses had dyed parts of her hair. I noticed and complimented her on it. She was very appreciative of my compliment, saying that not many of the nurses notice much. It feels good to make someones day.

    As for as the last week or two, I only have picked up my Xbox two times. That has to be a record for me,lol.

    PS: Haven’t been posting too much lately, too busy trying stuff. ONE WEEK LEFT !!! MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME !!!!

47. 

    Imran | Apr 26, 2010 | Reply

    Alrite Stephen,

    So I’ve been following your blogs and the blogs of a few other guys like yourself for a while now, making slow but steady and extremely worthy progress, all for the long term is what I say!! But here’s where it gets interesting…

    I’ve always had trouble talking to people, not just strangers but even people I know so very well, family included!! And this all stemmed down to a lack of confidence thing when I was younger, say 13-14 years old. Well 6 years on, and confidence is now something I see as a ‘must’ and so have ingrained it into my life wherever possible. The problem is that despite the confidence being there, my mindset still hasn’t fully shifted from my childhood days, and my brain tends to work ahead of my mouth and I end up making a mess of conversations and its probably even harder when talking to strangers. It’s something that I don’t want to improve, but want to fix!

    So here’s what I propose. Whenever I go out, I’m gonna make it a ‘must’ to approach and talk to at least one random girl a day and have a conversation for say a minute minimum… but doesn’t stop there. Throughout my entire conversation, I’m gonna have my finger all the way up my nose, and not even so much as smile because of it just act like nothing weird is happening, and the rest follows. Let’s see how that pans out shall we…

    Imran

48. 

    Bob | Apr 26, 2010 | Reply

    @ Imran

    Wow! Going for gold! Nice job!

49. 

    Bob | Apr 26, 2010 | Reply

    To all that may read this blog:

    My time is now, to shine. For so long I had been self-suppressed and allowed people to walk all over me. Since my journey of self-discovery started in 2002 (yes, eight years ago,) I have been trying to figure out where I want to go in life. I had taken many lumps, many bruises, many cuts, shed blood, sweat and tears… All in the name of trying to make a better life for myself.

    Along with all of the injuries and the shedding of blood, sweat and tears, I had endured the mental abuse from a boss and those that I considered friends.

    The mental abuse from a boss, had landed me in the hospital with a ruptured ulcer. A week later, I gave a one week notice that I was leaving, not the proper two weeks. This guy was such a dick that he wasn’t deserving enough of giving two weeks notice. I gave notice on a Friday and on Monday, he had two guys in to replace me, that I had to train.

    The back story on the job and personnel: I worked as a truck driver and warehouse guy in a two driver operation. The senior driver quit after I was there for three months. by default, I became the senior driver. Over the next three months, there was applicants left and right for the secondary driving position… The boss just refused to hire anyone. After I had landed in the hospital because of the boss’s ignorance and arrogance, I had enough. It was either the job or my health… I chose my health. I hated like hell to give up the job because I was making very good money. But, my health was and is more important, than having to deal with an asshole like I had to deal with. I gave a one week notice and two days later, there was two new guys I had to train. What a dick my boss Ed was!

    Moving forward to the two people that I considered friends: These two people were only in it for themselves and would use anyone for their own profit. Jeremiah and Julie were not affiliated with each other, but they should have been in bed with each other! As much as they used people for their own gain, they should be buddy-buddy!

    Jeremiah left on his own accord, to start a new life away from his estranged wife. Julie, I kicked her out of my life by putting it bluntly to her, that I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I called her an “energy vampire” to her face. Julie was nothing but a life force drainer… We all know someone like that. Someone who thrives off of other people’s good manner and brings them down to their level. Julie is this type of person!

    Fuck Jeremiah!Fuck Julie! Fuck them both! They both can pog mo thoin!

    Bob

50. 

    Bob | Apr 27, 2010 | Reply

    To all that may read this blog:

    At the beginning of this blog, I spoke of proofreading ones posting, before submitting it. Well unfortunately, I did not even heed my own words for my last post… I found a few grammatical errors in my posting from last night. I was “in the zone” on my rant, but it is no excuse for not proofreading.

    I am not perfect, but every day I do strive to be better than the day before… Though, there are days where I just want to graze in a grass field and/or wallow in the mud.

    Every day, I strive to do at least one thing better and strive to talk to someone new. Flirting with the opposite sex is a no-brainer and easily initiated. I have an issue with keeping the conversation going after a certain amount of time, unless it is a deep thought conversation.

    My current situation: I am involved in a project as a special effects artist and my partner in crime on the project is everything I have always wanted in a woman. Leighann is of Irish decent, with strawberry blond hair and freckles, very blessed up top, exudes sensuality and sexuality!

    I will be using the Sexual Tension Technique on Leighann, every chance I get, until the project is done.

    Bob

51. 

    christian vergara | Apr 27, 2010 | Reply

    I am so ecstatic of what i accomplished and how courageous i am for doing it, and its all thanks to you Mr. Nash, but im getting ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning. So upon reading about this contest I had a long hard look at my life, and what i saw was not a man but a wuss. I remember always having hesitations on doing anything dangerous, never wanting to go on roller-coasters, or experience life. I even heard whispers from people of how much of a wuss I am. With that in mind i suddenly had an epiphany, and i said to myself “I have to get my fear handled”. So I asked myself how do i go upon doing that? It has to be something that takes balls, maybe even life threatening to really change my life. And as if a jolt of lightning hit me, i new my answer. So I gathered up the troops, those who were brave enough. I must of asked 20 people and only two of my friends came with me. Jonathan and Victor and thank god they did. so wee arrived saturday morning around 12a.m. to pasadena, eaton Canyons our battlefield. With nothing but a white shirt, shorts, and some water. We heard stories of a huge waterfall about 51 feet and 3 inches and that was our destination. With no idea how to get there, just stories that there was one, we did the most logical thing and headed up the stream. it took us about 2-hours and we finally hit a waterfall. With tourist and all, we looked at each other and wondered could this be it? I said to myself “no way this cant be it, the bottom water is like 5 feet deep if you jumped off your legs would definitely break”. So with disappointment we asked the people if there was a second waterfall. All of them said they didn’t even know there was a second waterfall. After talking to everyone we looked at each other with motivation in our hearts and said “It must be over this waterfall screw what they say”. Again we have no idea if it existed or if it was possible to get to, but there and then we decided we must conquer our fears! We backtracked and saw hidden a possible trail, but it wasn’t exactly a trail, because you have to rock climb all the way up. After getting to the top we were more than a 100 feet high we continued and got to a point were you have to literally hug the mountain and cross with just your arms. WIth hight to our advantage we did it rather effortlessly, we were to anxious to get to the waterfall to really worry about the danger. After we went a little further and we saw we were over the first waterfall. excited we looked down and waved to all the tourist. Lets go i said. Now if you dont know anything about Eaton Canyon, you have to literally hop boulders to get across anywhere. We carried on for hours hopping boulders till points were you have to get in the river to cross, and this water is freezing temperature it felt like my toes were going to fall off, that is until numbness kicks in. But still we carried on, well at-least i did. My two friends stoped in the middle of the river on top of a boulder to rest, not wanting to soak his new shoes. We were completely un prepared. I kept on going and going until i saw one of those rescue helicopters, i got scared maybe something happened to them! i went back and saw them struggling through the water, but safe for the moment. ARGHHHH! WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END! I yelled out, as if to get a answer. Did i mention that the way there is covered by mountains that make it only possible to see whats 10 feet ahead of you at all time it is shaped in a way that you have to make sharp lefts and rights. Maybe we should turn back we dont even know if it exists, my friend jonathan said. Silence went on for 5 minutes until i was about to speak and suddenly two men and one female… atleast i think it was female. Came by from the direction we were heading. Surprised anyone was out here I yelled out and asked if there was a second waterfall. One of the guys exited yelled out “Yay your only 5 minutes away, its a beauty”. I looked back to my friends, wide eyed shaking not from the extreme cold of the water, but from the sheer fact that we were almost there. We all ran and hopped our way there. Finally we made it, this is it! we all looked at its beauty and tremendous size and felt a sort of accomplishment. The waterfall looked massive, the bottom looked like a pool, surrounding it was hundreds of rock. I pushed my friend in, and did a front flip myself. 10 seconds later we got out, because of the extreme temperature of the water, but we had to atleast get in. We chilled for a little catching our breath, until two spartan looking men came and joined us. We made small talk and we found out they do this often to work out. I asked if there was anyway to get to the top of this one to jump off it, I asked the first people we met, but they said no. He then proceeded by showing me the way. I reached the top, the real reason i came all this way was to jump off this waterfall! My friend victor with the video camera came up as well. At the Top looking down I realized how crazy this was, But to thrilled to care. I made a commitment to getting over my fears and so with a leap of faith i jumped. What i remember is thinking to myself this isint so bad. Yes i had time to think, thats how big it was. Then all of a sudden gravity kicked in like a sudden acceleration i was getting forced to go faster . I could hear the wind breaking on my body, my stomach queazy. SPLASH! I landed squatting. If you have ever heard of the show a hundred ways to die. Well there is this one episode were a guy does the same thing except when he landed the water went straight up his ass, hitting vital organs, causing instant death. The first time i heard this, i didn’t think it was possible but once I hit the water i quickly swam up, it was extremely hard to breath, and it felt like my ass was bleeding. I quickly swam to shore with the remaining energy I had. when I got out i looked at my ass. Other than the sharp pain of getting kicked in the balls I saw it was fine, then i started to jump up and down screaming that I did it. My friend Victor almost bailing, but summoned enough courage to jump as well. Jonathan didn’t want to, and with no energy, i didn’t argue. With the sun going down, we headed back, which seemed a lot shorter now that we new where we were going. We got to the rock climbing part again, we were almost home, or so we thought. You remember that part were you have to hug the mountain to get across, well this time we didn’t have the hight advantage. In fact it was so narrow and seemed almost impossible to cross without rope. My friend Victor attempted it first, i waited and saw that he didn’t move for 3 minutes petrified he slowly went back and said “no way we can cross that”. Same road, but very different terrain. Before we could easily cross it because we could see over it and new were to step. This time it was higher than our body’s and we didn’t have a clue were to step. we stood holding onto our own section of the mountain, our arms and legs cramping, our body exhausted. We were literally frozen with fear. lets call the rescue plain jonathan said. I told him there is no way. We have to cross, its the only way victor said shaking. Minutes passed and those two spartan looking men came and asked if we needed help. We desperately answered yes!. Eventually they helped each one of us across. I was last and i remember thinking “don’t look down, don’t look down”. But of course i looked down. So then we all got across, and the two spartans left us, thinking we could handle the rest. But unfortunately we took the wrong trail and ended up lost for hours. I remember climbing up and down, trying to find a safe way. Talking to my friends now we each had the same mental conflicts going through our minds. Each of us clearly remembers thinking at one point or another, “one wrong move and I can actually die” or ” maybe i should just let go and get it over with” yes i know some scary thoughts, to say the least… Bare with me the pain is almost over. So we are climbing down, and rocks are falling on us, causing miniature avalanches, i remember grabbing onto a rock with my right hand, and it completely breaking causing me to almost fall. Or sliding and screaming “NO NO!”. But Finally we found the right trail with the help of some people at the bottom yelling what direction to go. When we got down it was 11:00p.m we looked at each other, we could hardly talk. Scrapes and cuts everywhere, rocks and water in our shoes, dead bugs on our skin, and a new found respect for one another. We left Victorious! ever sense then, we told friends, and showed them the video to prove it, they called me the next indiana jones, which made me feel great. I have now been on several rollercosters, bun-gee jumped, road a motorcycle, and been able to talk to girls with confidence. I truly thank you for reading my story, but i am extremely thankful for this contest and you Stephen Nash as well as the people who sponcer it or whoever it works, i truly owe you my courage. Here is the link for the video of me jumpping off, dont worry its short. http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.channel&ContributorID=34563172

52. 

    Mark | Apr 29, 2010 | Reply

    Hey guys, I thought id post one more final note on my progress in this challenge. I have been flat out, in the field testing some of the new found knowledge I have recently discovered on the internet, to be honest I am rarely on the internet at all.
    As far as my challenge is going it is going spectacular. My fear of the nightclub social scene is fading away at a fast rate. Last weekend, I phoned an old friend of mine from the city that I grew up in, I asked him if he would have like to hang out, at a few clubs and have some fun. He gladly agreed to come out. We got to the club, and in a book I have been reading it says to just talk to anybody you see, thats exactly what I did. I walked up to a girl that was sitting by herself and I introduced myself, she was actually a really nice person to talk to. Then later in the night I walked up to another girl I seen within a group of friends, these were guys and girls. One of the guys she was with, got up quickly and looked me in the eye and said in a drunk tone of voice “im not scared of you” and tried to kiss me, I moved away and I just smiled, but on the inside it was actually an adrenaline rush, I have never had a random guy getting in my face before. Then out of nowhere the girl asked me to dance, so we did. I feel my fear of women is diminishing at a very fast rate. After all, we all live in this big bad world together, I think competitions like this should be held more often, to kick guys up the butt. I needed this, thanks Stephen.

53. 

    Alex | Apr 29, 2010 | Reply

    Update:

    Yesterday went to a luncheon banquet for volunteers. Lots of old ladies but that did not deter me from conversatiing. Women are just women, no matter the age. Anyway, I had one conversation that really stood out. I was talking to this very old lady was probably really pretty back in her day (she really was well dressed and had great style) and she told me I was a handsome gentlemen and asked me where my girlfriend was. I told her there was no girl in my life at the moment. She was surprised to hear that. I left that conversation a little more confident. Jeeze, my social skills are getting a bit better. This vibing takes time, especially with my all distracting phone and my constant battle with my own self talk.
    Another day, a baby step closer to social mastery.

54. 

    Bob | Apr 29, 2010 | Reply

    Update:

    An old flame is flying in to Philly from Phoenix, tomorrow morning. In our heyday, there was mild sexual tension, but never any copulation. Megan and I jokingly bounced the idea around of “finishing the job” when she came back for a visit, over the next week… I am game, but it is not my focus. My focus is going towards the aforementioned special effects partner in crime, on the project we are working on.

    During the preliminary filming last weekend, there was a “make out” scene that was not filmed… I am not sure why it was scratched from the shot list, but it was.

    My special effects partner and I were standing next to each other, observing the scenes that were being filmed, along with the make out scene. When we both found out that the make out scene was scratched, I asked Leighann if she wanted to do the make out scene together… Leighann’s exact quote was “Surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.” At that point, I literally wanted to ravish (non-violently) her! Now, if a woman can make you want to physically be all over her, in front of an audience, there is “a lot” of sexual tension there!

    I will be working with Leighann again this weekend.

    Bob

55. 

    Mark | Apr 29, 2010 | Reply

    Tonight I will be heading out to a local bar around my new city again. From last weekends successes infield, I have some momentum on my side. After dancing with and making out with the girl at the bar last week, I am surely confident that I will be able to pull it off again. By the way, to clarify my mission briefly, I have little to no friends in my new town that I am living in at the moment. My goal was to go out, to the bars and clubs and meet random new people. After last week, having that guy getting in my face, the adrenaline rush that I felt has given me even more confidence, in knowing that even in the toughest situations, talking to girls is really a piece of cake, and so is making new friends. Well im out again tonight to hit up the town. Wish me luck guys.

56. 

    Bastian | Apr 30, 2010 | Reply

    Now April is already over. I want to thank Stephen again for putting something like this together.

    My challenge was bulding a social circle after living in Berlin for about eight months now and not really having any buddies here.

    Here is what I’ve done: Since I’m running the marathon in Berlin this year, I thought it would be a good idea to meet people who are interested in running as well and I decided to volunteer at running events. I registered on the website of the company that is organizing all the major running events in Berlin and applied for severeal runs. Unfortunately they seem to have more volunteers than they need, so I couldn’t help at any event yet, but I have applied for several dates down the line.

    Moreover I contacted many people on facebook at the beginning in order to meet new people that way. I started looking in groups that interested me and asked them a short question how they were involved. The feedback was okay, but I’m not in touch with any of these persons anymore.

    Moreover I started to look for people in the business context who I would like to get to know and had one lunch date with an interesting, a little more seasoned entrepreneu. It was very interesting and we learned a lot. He even proposed the become our mentor and form something like an advisory board.

    However, I am very dissatisfied with the last three weeks. We hired four new employees and had to find new customers to use all capacities. This meant doing dozens or even hundreds of sales calls. This was a challenge for itself, but I used it as an excuse not to push any further and put any more effort into building my social circle.

    So basically now I’m sitting here on a friday night and I’m alone in front of my computer. So has there been any change at all? I think for the largest part I’ve done what I’ve always been good at. I’ve found excuses to stay in my comfort zone. I’m not saying I didn’t leave my comfort zone at all, but I did not closely push myself as much as I should have.

    So the mission continues. I’m not a hundred percent sure though how to make any real progress. I’ve been struggling with this for so long now, so it has become a real habit. I appreciate any advice!

    Finally I want to say Thank you to all the other participants. I has been great to follow some of the stories here. Prasheen has been very inspiring. I love your blog. In August we want to have our company on autopilot as well to travel the world without caring about money.

    Bastian

57. 

    Alex | Apr 30, 2010 | Reply

    What a April.

    My fear which I wanted to overcome was my social anxiety and my isolation from social situations. In this. month, I have started volunteering in the ER, and danced a bit of salsa.Also went out every now and then with a bit little bit success.

    As a result, I didn’t get 8 numbers this month, but through dancing and volunteering, I have put my self on the right path to get out of isolation and start contributing. I’ve learned that even if I think I have nothing to give, I surprised myself by challenging myself socially and mentally.

    For May, I will continue to volunteer at the hospital and maintain my video game limit. Best of luck to all and have your momentum carry over to the next month.

    Cheers,

    Aexl

58. 

    Jordan | Apr 30, 2010 | Reply

    April is over! No more Carpe Diem contest

    My final stats:

    - Exercise: 11 out of 25 days
    - Healthy eating: 13 out of 25 days
    - 7am wakeup: 0 out of 25 days :p
    - Substantial work completed: 13 out of 25 days

    Overall, I have to admit that I am proud of my performance. I think just tracking my behavior for the entire month was a positive exercise. I’ve tried to do this before and only gotten through two weeks at most… I definitely owe my success this month to the motivation provided by everyone in the contest.

    The stats above bring me to wonder: what was I thinking on the days when I didn’t exercise, or ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s instead of my five healthy meals, or skipped schoolwork to watch Sober House with Dr. Drew? Without a doubt, I was concentrating only on the immediate in these moments: how good the ice cream would taste, or how nice relaxing on the couch would feel, for the next few hours only… and not how doing these things would impact me on a longer-term basis.

    I am happy to report that, towards the end of the month, I began actually catching myself in the act of committing some of these goal-related transgressions, and a few times I was able to talk myself out of going through with it. Just yesterday, I ordered a stuffed crust pizza with chicken and pineapple (delish!), which I would have undoubtedly shoved whole down my gullet shortly after delivery, but then, a few minutes after the call, I called to cancel the order. Every choice is a battle, and winning these battles consistently calls for self-discipline. The good news is that each time we make the right choice, we become more likely to make positive choices in the future, in all areas of discipline.

    Thanks to Stephen and to all the rest of the guys. It was fun to check the page each day and be involved in a little sliver of your lives for the month. Maybe we could do this every month… say, in Playboy’s Lounge?

    Anyway, bravo to all. Upward and onward in May!

59. 

    Bob | Apr 30, 2010 | Reply

    To Stephen:

    Thank you for having this contest and allowing the posters to see themselves in a self-discovery mode.

    To my fellow posters:

    I commend you guys for your journeys through self-discovery and learning what it takes to better yourselves. I also commend you guys for being conscience of literacy and grammar. For the most part, the postings have been grammatically correct.

    As for my own journey, I have learned that, overall, if I want something done, I’ve got to do it. What ever the task is, just get it done. That and, I lust after someone that I have sexual tension with!

    Bob

60. 

    Ricardo | May 2, 2010 | Reply

    Well… here is my final report of the past month.
    I talked to many people about my love for classical music, I discovered that some of them also liked classical music, for example my neighbor (surprisingly), but most of them didn’t know very much about it.

    The objective was to invite them to concerts, although at first they seemed to be interested in joining me when I go to a concert, at the end of the month very few of them went with me, actually only three people (not as many as I would expected) I have to say that there were many of my friends from university who had exams this month… that could be a reason.
    I realized that it would be useful if I expand my social circle beyond my degree classmates, that’s why since last week I started having lunch in cafeteria rather than eating at home alone, in that place I can meet more people.
    Other things I learned are to plan with anticipation, before everybody’s schedules fills with other things to do, especially on weekends,

    There is a quote by Luciano Pavarotti: “Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail.” I agree, and trying to make people love it by just talking about it is not enough. What seems to work fine is making people listen to some pieces with my MP3 player. I make them say a random number and then I explain something about that piece, (if I don’t know about the piece, well, I say something about the composer, or the period, or… I make up anything on the go. Hahaha, no, not really) usually I never run out of things to share.

    So in general, I can say that I barely accomplished some of the objectives that I proposed to myself, but now I have many phone #s and emails, and in the following weeks I will send invitations to them, this also means that my social circle expanded a lot.

    I am thinking in making a newsletter listing all events on the month related to classical music and sending it by email, because most people who like classical usually are not aware… and many other things that I need to put in practice. Hopefully this will make more people join to that immense minority who love classical music.

    Thanks Stephen for the little boost, I really needed something like this, Congratulations to all those who participated!
    Keep learning and stepping out of your comfort zone just like you did in April, it was great!

    I will finish this post with another quote; the most common thing I hear about classical music is that it’s for upper class or selected people, but…

    “Why should be elite, music? Excuse me. Music must be for everybody.” ~ Luciano Pavarotti

61. 

    Jordan | May 2, 2010 | Reply

    Forgot to mention… I finished my diary for the month on my blog. It chronicles my ups and downs in my efforts to achieve my goals for April. Anyone who’s interested can check it out:

    http://www.jordanevolves.com/?page_id=181

    I’m planning on keeping one of these every month… hopefully it will help keep me on task.

62. 

    Michael | May 3, 2010 | Reply

    Hey Jordan,

    Checked out your blog. I feel your power, especially because C++ is a tough tough language to master.

    Anyway, a couple more thoughts:

    (1) I’m not sure how useful it is just to grade yourself on a binary scale. If your goal is 6 hours of work and you do 4, that is still better than doing 0 or 2 hours.

    (2) If you are having trouble getting up when you want to, there might be a good reason for it: Your body needs sleep and adequate amounts of it, just as it needs food and water. Sleep is not just for the lazy or weak, even though in our culture we often view it that way, even on a subconscious level. It is a ‘hard’ need, not a ‘soft’ one, even though for short periods we can do with less. So do what you can to get your rest!

63. 

    Jordan | May 4, 2010 | Reply

    Hey Michael,

    Thanks for the comments!

    I agree about the first point. I’ve explored a number of different ways to track my goal-oriented behavior throughout the day, but some goal categories continue to elude capture by a simple, well-defined tracking system. I find schoolwork goal-seeking and social goal-seeking to be particular hard to track… things like diet and exercise can be quantified up the wazoo, but academics and relationships less so.

    The problem with tracking work done by recording the number of hours spent is that it seems to imply that the amount of progress I made in X hours is less important than the fact that I sat at my desk and stared at my computer for X hours… it quantifies the input instead of the output, which doesn’t really promote “working smart.”

    On the other hand, the notion of “progress” differs from project to project, so it’s tough to think of a single metric one could use to measure work across all projects, besides hours spent.

    As far as the sleep thing goes, I hear you. Maybe I’m just not meant to be an early riser. But I’ll keep trying! It’s just a stubborn desire that I have, to say that I wake up at 7am every day.

    Are you a programmer?

    J

64. 

    Bastian | May 12, 2010 | Reply

    I’m just curious. You said you’d crown a winner on May 1st, Stephen, didn’t you? Did you already announce the winner somewhere else or are you still working on the decision?

65. 

    Stephen Nash | May 13, 2010 | Reply

    It was announced Bastian. Check the featured articles, it is there.

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