http://www.datingsecretsformen.com/2010/03/10/and-the-winner-isfeb-carpe-diem-contest-wrap-up/

Winners – be in touch with me soon!

Sn.

Not too late am I?

So, I called her…and we’ve been out now twice (in the last week). I used some of your first date tips and it’s been ROCKING dude. Seriously.

I was nervous when I rang her, but when I said it was Tim…she gave me that all important excited “Hey!”. I knew from then that I was in.

I’ve been doing more approaches since, and have scored a few more numbers, but I’m digging this girl and it’s definitely slowed my approach fever. Normal? Maybe I should still be approachig?

Anyway, glad I’m not too late for the contest. AND, more to the point, Stephen – MAN – you rock. Seriously dudes – pay attention to this man.

~Tim

Stephen.

PS – correct me if I’m wrong please re: the timing here.

So she gave me her number, now the ball was in my court again.

A few days after I was meeting up with my friend on campus. I talked to her about my recent improvements and she was excited and supportive. Talking to her was reassuring to me so I placed the call while she was sitting with me.

I called and we set up a time I would pick her up.

According to my friend I sounded ‘cool’ for the Hi, and after that I went to excited Jason.

Our schedules were very tight because of finals, mine a bit worse because all of them were moved up so I could get operated on and be out of the hospital before Christmas.

So, the night comes and lucky me it’s on one of the coldest days we would have this winter. Insane wind chill!

So I picked her up and we hit up mini golfing first. I felt it was a good combo. Something to do, along with being able to talk and get to know more about each other.

On the last hole, we bet that the loser buys Blizzards. Delicious even though it’s the middle of winter and more time to chill. I win, we switch to DQ and mmmm Oreo Blizzards. More talking and then I drive her home.

I was a bit disappointed in myself. Maybe I set to high of expectations for me, but there were a few things that bugged me. One, I still had part of that ‘combo shutdown vibe’ or ‘don’t fuck up’. Normally I’m a touchy person. Hugs, high fives, gangster handshakes, touching people, etc. It makes me feel comfortable and is a sign I’m comfortable around someone else too.

But with her I kinda had a bubble going, like I was keeping my distance. (Something about personal space I’m guessing because right now in my dance classes I notice even there I seem to have trouble stepping into that space.) So the most physical interaction I could muster was a weak ass high five.

Two I feel I’m a good listener. I care, I do my best to ask open questions, I stay away from interview stuff, I try to get an idea about them and how they feel and it helps me paint a picture of what they are talking about in my head. So during mini golf and the later I felt I was doing good at listening, asking questions, but for my contributions I was a bit disheartened. I had trouble expressing myself, which frustrated me because I wanted to contribute and share a part of myself back.

So afterwards I felt bad. I felt like I messed everything up. All the energy, worry, etc was wasted because I couldn’t ‘be me’ around her.(This is a common theme with me, not giving myself enough credit and focusing on the negative).

Anyways, I regroup study my butt off and write my last finals and head to the hospital to get my ileostomy reversed (Woooo!). I got an invite to her birthday (which I’ve never been invited to before) but I was recovering in the hospital so it was a no go. I started sending the odd text here and there from then on till school started and things were doing pretty decent, both of us busy with holidays.

Michael – Crossfit, eh? I’m thinking of my next month’s Carpe Diem contest…wanting to get guys out in the world and MOVING. That could be an interesting inclusion.

EVERYONE – this contest is not over (though we have some solid contributions). Make the next 24 hours count. Get out there and APPROACH! If you’re on the east coast (NYC) you have no excuses – it’s beautiful out!

Stephen.

I see a woman in her workout garb. I ask her how her workout was. We get into a brief conversation (like, 1 minute). I see she has sushi. I ask her if she wants to join me for lunch. She says that she cannot. So I offer “How about some other time?” She asks if I have a card. I tell her (nicely!) to give me her #.

I pull out my phone and get her #. I plan on calling her tonight.

We talked about making music. while we were in line they were setting up the room for a dance party. Anyway i went into the bathroom. When i came out i started dancing with those girls i met. Then i saw my freind i came with.
We cleared a big spot on the dance floor. i stood on one end he on the other. I very shot him with my finger very stylish and he fell backwards to be caught by these 2 guys who threw him to his feet, he spun in the air and did the splits. This was to that jerk song. Everyone went WILD!!!
I started dancing with those girls again but now they were grindin on me. I chalenged these girls next to us to get low. ha they couldnt get as low as me! I started dancing with one of them and me and her went to the side to chat. Shes a roadie and she introduced me to this guy who was playin that everybody loved.

This dude was fuckin awesome. He was sittin behind a table sellin his Cds. Whenever i got tired of dancing id come over their and shoot the shit. Anyway it was gettin mad hot in their so i went outside and talked to these dude smokin and bummed a puff. I went back in and started joking around with the dude drawing on peoples hands. He said he wanted to dance so i took his spot.

I would chat up all the girls waiting to get picked up. I am in highschool and their was mostly highschoolers there. only 5 more people came in and i wrote my number on all their hands, even dudes! The original door guy came back and i sat on the steps next to this group of five girls. They recognized me from the dancefloor shooting and they all introduced themselves. I told them to reintroduce themselves in 3 minutes cause i have mad ADHD and i would forget their names soon. They gotta kick outta that. I made that up on the spot because it was true but you can use that line if you want.

Well i met and danced with more girls, including my sisters hot freinds. They all heard about the funny shit id get into from my sister so i guess you can call that a warm approach. I also started freak dancing with this real hot older girl. Her freind that i had met at the door told her that i was 16 and man she like ran away!! Didnt want to be a pedo! I guess im old looking despite my patchy ass facial hair and acne!

So recap i got no numbers or anything but had the time of my fucking life!! No numbers(didnt ask for any) but i also got no boring conversations, no alkward pauses and no rejection. If you go out to have fun and not pick up chicks, the chicks will come
anyway! Thats what I learned. I hope i get your book! I have no credit card so i could never buy it. Id like to get started with becoming an incredible ladies man early and life, so i dont hafta pay for expensive ass dinners when I am older.

I saw an a girl who was just my type physically at Whole Foods. So I went up to her and said hi as she was walking out with her groceries.

CuteGirl: “Hey, how have you been?

Me: “Good!” {seeing as she was about to turn off} “Hey, I gotta say, I think you are really cute…”

CuteGirl: {acknowledging my comment} “We’ve talked before. I was wearing a hat. Over by the salad bar…”

THAT was a surprise. I’m usually pretty good at remembering people I meet (I’m fairly selective, so I don’t direct approach that often), but for some reason, I was pulling a blank on ever meeting her. I felt embarrassed. I do NOT want to come across as ‘that guy’, and she actually seemed pretty nice.

(It turns out that we did talk to each other a couple months ago, when she was wearing a hat. But we only talked for a couple of moments.)

Me: {trying to play it off as a joke} “Well, I guess you are just as cute now!”

Yeah, not too smooth. And my attempt at saving the interaction didn’t work.

Anyway, lesson learned. Direct approaching a girl who has seen around before (without acknowledging that fact) can look a little suspect in some situations. This is a challenge that guys who aren’t in a big city (such as myself) face. There’s a tendency to see the same people around, even if you never talk to them. Paradoxically, this might be more of a challenge for guys who are good-looking, because then the woman will be more likely to have remembered seeing you around.

If there is some doubt about whether you’ve seen her around before, perhaps it’s best to go indirect, and then say something like “Haven’t I seen you before?” and then (if appropriate) follow up with “Well, I’m glad I came over and talked to you anyway.” In this case, I should have followed up her cue of “How have you been” with “Hey, I’m trying to remember where I met you” and then maybe “If I had met you, believe me, I would remember!”

A learning experience! C’est la vie.

Man, this is AWESOME. Any update? Did you call her?

I’ve been there before, for sure. Often, when we really LIKE a girl, the nerves and anxiety can be overwhelming to the point of ‘freeze-up’, as you post so accurately reveals. But, the fact that you did it, that’s HUGE man.

Now, here’s a bit of intel I’ve discovered…which might surprise you. If she is really, truly interested in you – it doesn’t MATTER how you ask her out, or if you fumble a bit, or if you’re not totally smooth at it. If she’s interested, she will frame all of that as “charming” & “cute”. But, if she’s not actually interested/attracted to you, she will frame it all as “he was too nervous”, or “I just didn’t feel it…” etc.

I say that to relieve you – and anyone else reading this – of the BURDEN of performance. It actually doesn’t matter. If she’s into you, she’ll say yes; if not, she’ll say no. I hope that helps to relax guys into going for it more.

For example – a few years ago I was asked to perform at a party as a heroin addicted homeless person. So, I didn’t shave or shower for a week, I wore shitty clothes, and otherwise was repulsive and gross. Once I was ‘offstage’ the cutest girl at the party came right up to me and was amazed at the performance etc. I dated her for 6 months after that. Clearly, this was not the smooth, polished entree us guys dream about…no, rather, it was sincere, unique and – ME.

This is why developing YOU is the issue…not what to say and how to say it.

Great post man! Please give us an update.

Sn.