For the temporary haul of physical gratification and providing a circus type mysterious/dangerous attrcation with certain women they are set. Once the so called honeymoon and intrigue/mystery/edginess factor of their personality wears off and wears thin, end of game. Mature women know what they want, and want more.

For the temporary haul of physical gratification and providing a circus type mysterious/dangerous attrcation with certain women they are set. Once the so called honeymoon and intrigue/mystery/edginess factor of their personality wears off and wears thin, end of game. Mature women know what they want, and want more.

That is, it takes longer today to attain traditional markers of adulthood. Not so for the baby-boomer generation (those born in the 20 odd years post-world war 2), which acts as our larger cultural template, or our terms-of-reference for how life ‘should’ be like.

This is all over the Western world, and is not restricted to one nation.

The baby-boomers lived in a time of abundance, which, in an anthropological sense, pushes down marriage ages (for the men). The baby-boomers got married in their early twenties. They were able to afford housing without too much of a stretch.

Well paid jobs were more plentifully available for the middle and working class, and people did not have to spend as many years in on-going education to be able to get these jobs.

There is more to it than this, but the gist of it is that people were ‘adults’ ready for marriage at age 20, and the baby-boomers lived in times that made this possible.

Today, it may take young people another 10 years before they are at the ‘ready’ point, vis a vie housing, education, ‘secure’ income, etc, that baby-boomers were at age 20.

So, age 30 is closer to the ‘true’ age of adulthood today. The median ages of first marriage reflect this generally in Western societies – both bride and groom are close to, sometimes over, 30 years of age.

These are our times, and our lot. That being said, it is somewhat unhealthy.

Compared to the baby-boomer experience (our own cultural reference point), young men today (middle class, caucasian men) often experience another 10 years (a decade!) of jumping through hoops to be deemed ‘eligible’ to pair-bond, and begin a family. Yes there can be sex and relationships in the interim, but it is often not secure.

The (now) 10 years extra is causing large cultural ripples. Just one of these is a rising tide of anger and misogyny (there are also other reasons for the misogyny growing). Men naturally want to have a normal secure relationship, and these feelings do not begin at age 30.

When you consider that people are biologically ‘adult’ at the onset of puberty at around age 12 or 13, waiting till roughly age 30 to pair-bond and breed is getting into an unnatural zone. For most of human existence (our own evolutionary environment where the basis of all our innate behaviour developed), most men and women did not even LIVE to see age 30…

You are MY HERO!

In fact, I might go as far as saying you may be helping our planet and generations to come. We need sexual polarity for sexual dynamics (www.sexualdynamics.com) or we will become an androgynous, boring race of people.

You wrote: “What we need is a new image of the modern man. We also need new intelligence. Many of us are trapped in bogus, antiquated archetypes which have no meaning to most men. The “Alpha Male”, for example, is one such type.”

- and -

“Lets quickly look at some key concepts. These words will help us, and are aspects that we can develop into our lives.”

* Assertiveness
* Confidence
* Security
* Autonomy
* Focus/Aim/Mission/Purpose
* Challenge & Austerity

Stephen, we’ve met and spoken at length. I use terms like “Chairman of the Relationship” and “Masterman” (check the urban dictionary).

I applaud and support you on your mission. Anything to get the love bucket filled and expanding!

Best,
Sherrie Rose
“The Love Linguist”

“grow something real and male…..”

LOL. Maybe there is something to subliminal messages.

I may re-read your article and respond in the future from a more intellectual perspective. We’ll see.
Sincerely, Casandra.

I have a question though. Your article has made me feel more guilty about my own sexual desires, I mean my body doesn’t understand anything about life purpose and goals. Are you telling me to suppress that? Are you telling us that it’s wrong to have some fun (sex) as you figure things out?

As guys, on the one hand, we have the capability for something that women in general do not have (at least nearly as much)–autonomy. We can walk alone. We’re ‘allowed to’ walk alone without being judged by society for that. We have lost touch with that to some extent. However, we still aren’t good at asking for help, even when we need it, and we’re not good at giving each other help. We tend to view each other as ‘competition’ sometimes.

On the other hand, women are much better than we are about building around them a community. Their friends are never far away when they are needed.

This really plays itself out throughout the course of many a relationship between a man and a woman. The man often relies on the woman not only for sex, but also to get his neglected emotional needs met–the needs he can’t get met through his male friends. He also relies on her to provide direction in his life–hey, he doesn’t like his job and his hobbies don’t mean much to him either. However, the woman still has her friends to get her emotional needs met. And even her family and her friend’s projects to give her purpose.

Who do you think will take the breakup harder?

My point is that we guys do have to build in a sense of community with each other. And we do need to get back in touch with our missions.