You heard it here first – Tony Robbins=SCAM.

You’re correct in your assessment. Social intelligence is not taught to men and in many cases, it’s discouraged. In fact, social grace gets replaced by dogmatic rules of being “Alpha” and other such nonsense that is taken completely out of context. I’ll probably forward more articles on this to Stephen in the future.

More so, people are never taught that certain advice is meant for certain Archetypes of women. Certain type of women respond to “Negs” and borderline insults. Certain other types are repulsed by it.

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Stephen, I’ll love to hear about your pal who is 40K in debt and yet busy taking seminars around the world. That’s unbelievable.

Cameron

Let’s take a 30,000-foot view of getting good with women. Forget for a moment about the specific rules and tactics that different gurus have. What we really need to do is (a) generate attraction, and (b) generate trust. How do we do (a) and (b)? Well,both of these can be broken down further, but a big part of both is not only being good with the tactics, but just as importantly, understanding the *underlying context*.

One example: Sometimes a C&F remark is the perfect thing to say. Other times it is inappropriate–the guy comes across as a jackass or even a metaphorical dancing monkey. Another example: Sometimes a compliment is what is called for. Sometimes a compliment comes up as kissing up.

I would say that too many of us don’t focus on enough on getting the underlying context. Instead, they focus too much on the specific tactics. And so they never really get better.

I had a client – say 2 years ago – who worked with me here in NYC. He was from London. A few weeks later, he emails me a question wondering if he should spend his summer vacation on a LoveSystems Program or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro…

Now, I am sure a LoveSystems Program is a fine thing to do – BUT, if the alternative is climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, it seems very very clear to me!

He did the right thing and traveled to Africa, and even sent me pics afterwards. It was certainly gratifying for me to see a guy accomplish something real. But, moreso – for him – he now has an extraordinary experience in his life that built real self-esteem. There is no price tag on that.

Sn.

You know that I like your stuff.

My comment for now: The way we progress at anything I can think of meaningful is by making the right efforts (in the field) consistently day-by-day. The improvement we see is small (or at times even negative) in any given week, but over months or years, it is large. The times when we make breakthroughs are usually the result of a few bits of information or feedback added to all of our efforts up to that point.

So I feel that any $2500 workshop is way overpriced. It’s just not how we progress. The information/feedback you need to get to the next level doesn’t cost anywhere near $2500.

I also think that there is something weird going on too. Guys are spending so much of their money here, hopefully to improve their ‘inner game’, and yet, they find themselves feeling less and less. See, a cool guy wouldn’t be spending so much of his resources to get more and more guidance form someone else. He’d be spending them on doing something that will really expand his horizons or towards a cause he believes strongly in.
That’s something Mr Seminar Junkie already knows on a subconscious level, and it is something that causes him shame.

Both of you have hit the nail on the head. The instant gratification society pervades itself. We want nothing but the perception of happiness. And we spend lots of time and money on “preparing” ourselves.

When I said we, I meant me.

I was (still am I believe) a sucker for such things. Backbencher, commenter of life. But gradually, I’m slowly taking things in control. But the pain, like you articulated, is humbling.

But I believe that once my ego is set aside, I can become so much better.

Thanks for your highly reflective article!