Men’s Lifestyle Lesson #1 – The 5 Skills

Since I am currently coaching some really great guys on the art of creating a naturally attractive lifestyle and social circle which naturally attracts women, these concepts are front and center in my mind.

I recently did a survey of the 50 couples I know that are actively in relationship. That’s right – 50 couples. In fact, if you wanted to, you could try this little experiment too. What you do is ask them how they met, and figure out if it was via social circle/lifestyle, cold approach or online dating.

Well, I did such an experiment and here’s what I found:

49 – Social Circle/Lifestyle

1 – Cold Approach

That’s 98% of all couples came via social circle and lifestyle. They were set-up, met at a party, or came together via their social circle.

2% met via a cold approach, or a pick-up.

I’d be really interested to see what you might find if you did this experiment too. I’d be flat-out shocked if you found something very very different, and I can guarantee that MOST couples you know met via social circle and lifestyle.

Therefore….doesn’t it make sense to focus on that a little? Sure, I know we’re all addicted to the next gimmick and guru who has the “latest, greatest means of bedding every single hot chick you could possibly come into contact with” (guess the guru who wrote that, win $1). But, lets be honest, it doesn’t really work when you want to get serious. Relationships (as I’ve proven to you above) happen via lifestyle and social circle.

As a dating coach, I’ve grown fond over the years of making lists. I’m going to share with you now my 5 lifestyle skills that a guy should build into his life. This list has been built over many years of research, trial and error, and ultimately, great success.

Focus on these 5 to get serious about dating and relationships:

• Spontaneity
• Challenge
• Learn
• Give
• Autonomy

By “spontaneity” I mean – are you rigid? Can you change course? Are you open to changing your mind, or when someone else (namely, a WOMAN) changes hers? (and she will my friend…she will) Are you someone who does the same thing over and over every single day to the point of mind-numbing boredom…or, are you openly trying new things?

By “challenge” I mean – do you challenge yourself? Sure, life’s a challenge. Dating is a challenge. Work is a challenge. Money is a challenge. I get that. But, are you willfully, consciously challenging yourself to grow on a daily basis? Or, are you sitting back all cozy in your comfort zone….hmmm…I wonder…which guy gets the girls…

By “learn” I simply mean – what are you actively learning in your life? It could be a foreign language, scuba diving, horse (or dog) whispering, cooking, hiking etc. It’s important to be learning new things which relate to YOU – not your daddy, mommy, brother, or girl. What are you currently, actively, learning for YOU?

By “give” I mean – what do you give away on a daily basis? Do you volunteer? Do you support a not-for-profit financially? Do you hoard everything? What’s the deal?

By “autonomy” I mean (and this is a biggie) – is your life self-governed? Are you living from a place of real AIM? Are you going for something? Are you turning invisible, personal dreams into reality? Or, are you doing what “they” want? Are you living someone else’s life? This one is really really important. In fact, with my guys, I put them through some serious exercises on this one to determine:

Who’s Life Are You Truly Living?

The “art” in lifestyle design is in taking the answers to these questions, and allowing them to intelligently pour into society in a healthy positive way enabling you to meet people, grow your social circle, and ultimately – meet single, available WOMEN. Cultivating a nourishing social circle is a process and it isn’t easy or simple.

What we’re ultimately doing, it seems, is finding ways to both make my life personally meaningful WHILE growing a personally meaningful social circle.

Breaking these old habits is tough, and requires patience and willpower. It can be done though – I did it, and so can you.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting more on these 5 skills, and showing you more and more about this “art” of building a naturally attractive lifestyle.

Until then, ponder these questions above. They should provide a lot of food for thought.

Stephen

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