Cocky Funny - How It DESTROYS Your Chances With Women (by Cameron Teone)
It’s official…Barry & Cameron are my favorite, and most trusted sources of real-world, practical and useful dating advice for men. Both will get regular attention from me here - so look forward to that.
Now, this is a rather long read, BUT it’s well worth your attention. Actually, you should read this twice. Cocky Funny (A Certain Someone’s favorite technique) is the most well-worn idea in the community. AND, it can actually hurt your chances with attracting women.
I’ll let Cameron fill you in on WHY, but I’ve seen it literally 100s of times…a guy overuses (or misuses) Cocky Funny and women LOSE attraction.
With that, I’ll hand it over to Cameron.
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Why Cocky/Funny is Destroying your chances with women
If you are on the Internet seeking dating advice, chances are good that you have come across a concept called cocky/funny. About 6 years ago, a gentleman started writing countless articles and newsletters promoting the concept of cocky/funny.
Like you, I was excited about it. It was a novel concept that seemed interesting and seemed to get a reaction out of people. It also seemed to piss off quite a few women at the same time. Over the years, I ran into a lot of guys whose chances with women were being destroyed by cocky/funny as it was being taught.
If you’re reading this right now, you may be one of those guys who is struggling to make cocky/funny work for you. If you have been at it for a while, chances are good, you’ve upset and insulted your fair share of women in the past year.
Thus, once and for all, I am going to break down HOW cocky/funny is ruining your chances with women and how you can go about fixing it, and how you can APPLY it in a way that is effective and practical. This article is a bit long so set aside 10 minutes, kick back somewhere comfortable and take in what you’re about to read.
First, we ought to understand the social-psychology of cocky/funny. The cocky part is designed to give the man some artificial value of being cool. The funny part is to make people laugh and take the edge of by injecting humor into the social interaction.
It’s taking a line that a proverbial “Cool guy” would utter and giving it to someone who may not be as cool. The problem is that the line is lost in translation. It’s common knowledge that most communication is non-verbal, and teaching the verbal part of a concept to someone while leaving out the non-verbal is a recipe for disaster.
In the long run, a cocky line cannot provide the illusion of confidence for someone who comes across otherwise. It may even buy him a few minutes sometimes, but the illusion will be shattered. Therefore, it’s more effective to polish one’s overall approach.
So let’s dissect the problems and look to replace them with solutions:
Problem 1: Usage of Cocky Funny
The way cocky/funny is taught is to borderline insult a woman with a humorous touch to take the edge off of the insult. These are lines that can easily be misconstrued as an insult, and often, they are perceived as insults. When that happens, the cocky/funny advocates reply with, “Well, she just doesn’t have a sense of humor.”
Then again, maybe she just does not like being insulted. Below are some examples of the cocky funny lines taught:
“Nice shoes, did you buy them new?”
“Nice Outfit. Where is the rest of it?”
“You just want me, like all the other women.”
“Nice portrait. Have you considered wearing more makeup?”
(Ok, I made that last one up.)
Granted, you could approach 10 women, and 2 of them may respond favorably to such an advance. However, why would you handicap yourself like that? Why not use something that could effectively elicit a favorable reply from 8 out of 10?
So should you throw away cock/funny? No. Learn to tease and have fun. Some of the guys started calling it “Playful & Confident” a few years back and that’s a good motto. Being playful and confident is neither insulting and nor is it obnoxious.
I have articles on how to tease and flirt and you may want to look at those at some point. Explaining how to use humor in the interaction requires an entire article on its own. For the time being, remember to be playful and confident. Playful, in essence, is being childlike. It’s learning to have fun and play.
Hence, instead of trying to show you’re cool by the throwing out lines, you’re best served by displaying charm and confidence. You can TEASE and be fun, but the cocky-insult lines will have you shooting yourself more often than not.
Problem 2: Timing of Cocky funny
When and where do you use cocky/funny as it’s taught? What demographic of women do you think it’s best suitable for? Have you ever asked yourself this question?
Well, the kind of cocky/funny that has traditionally been taught is effective on club skanks and strippers. You should also note that sometimes these observations of these concepts were made in strip bars and night clubs.
Cocky insult lines can work in those specific environments for two reasons:
A. The social matrix of the environment.
In a strip bar, for example, most men have zero value. Normally, the average guy in a strip bar is deemed by the stripper as a pathetic f*cking loser paying cash to see naked women flaunt their tits and ass. The borderline insulting comments are designed to somewhat reverse that dynamic or at least, to level the playing field. Telling a stripper, “You just want to use me for my body” can be funny given the circumstances, because it’s drawing on the reverse premise of what is going on.
Making the same remark to a girl in a library or a bookstore has no context and can backfire very easily.
B. Insecure women
Despite how they come across, these types of women are extremely insecure on many levels. Hence, a borderline insulting cocky/funny comment exposes their insecurity while reinforcing what they already subconsciously believe about themselves to begin with.
Lesson for you to take away: Look at the environment you’re in and the type of women you are interacting with. If you find yourself in a strip bar, or talking to some platinum haired blonde with 55 pounds of makeup and collagen enhanced lips at a nightclub, then the cocky Insult lines actually do seem to get a reaction. Any reaction is better than having someone ignore you.
On the other hand, if you’re approaching a different archetype, then cut down the insult lines, use more normal humor and joke with her as though you’ve known her for years.
Problem 3: Persona/delivery of cocky/funny
Another common issues arises from the personality of men who are attempting to be cocky/funny. Men are taught to be serious. They are explicitly told that, “The woman shouldn’t be able to tell whether you’re joking or being serious.” They are also taught to use a very serious monotone delivery rivaling Frankenstein with the charisma of a doorknob.
Once again, bullshit advice. Guys who use cocky/funny effectively & consistently have a persona that is CONGRUENT with that type of humor. A character you can reference for this would be Vince Vaughn’s character, Trent, in the movie “Swingers.” (Actually, you can watch any number of Vince Vaughn movies (Wedding Crashers, The Breakup,) and you’d see the same effect, but let’s stick with Trent from Swingers.)
Trent’s persona could be conceived as a cocky/funny type. He gets away with saying a lot of things that other men would not. WHY? Because people see him and think, “Awww, that’s just Trent. He is just goofing around as usual, having a good time.” No one is insulted by Trent because people take him as someone having fun even if he is coming across as cocky. “Hey man, that’s just big T, Trent! He is having fun! You can’t get upset at Big T.”
Most guys seeking dating advice don’t have a persona/attitude like Trent, or they wouldn’t be seeking dating advice to begin with. Hence, just because Trent’s lines work for him does not translate into those lines working for another man who doesn’t have the same attitude.
A guy could be a studious, intellectual type who is not very gregarious. It doesn’t mean he cannot be successful in attracting women. However, for that guy to use the same approach as someone like “Trent” is a recipe for disaster as mentioned before. Is this starting to make sense?
If you enjoy teasing, and like doing so often, then build (or Develop) a persona that is consistent and congruent with that delivery. You must develop the PERSONA first and then the lines can be used in accordance. Cocky lines with the wrong persona amount to poor interactions.
If you still seek other visual examples, then there is one blockbuster film you’ll have to watch a 2nd time. Perhaps the greatest personification of a “Cocky Funny” personality is portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. in the movie, “Iron man”. His attitude through out the film depicts his extremely cocky demeanor, and yet he manages to come across as likable. This is key. People are not insulted by him because at the end of the day, it’s all a joke and he is HAVING FUN! The people interacting with him can clearly distinguish that he is just a big kid having fun. Is he being a cocky smart ass? Yeah, but it’s all in good spirit.
Problem 4: Frequency of Cocky/funny
At some point, there has to be a real person inside the cocky/funny shell. Back when I was reading dating advice, I remember someone asking a question from the cocky/funny guru regarding its usage. He asked, “I used some lines to tease her. She was eating it up and having a good time. At what point should I stop?”
The writer of cocky/funny manifesto replied back, “What is wrong with you? What would you ever stop busting her balls? That’s what has gotten you thus far. Why would you ever stop now?”
That, right there, is perhaps one of the single worst pieces of advice ever written on dating. After incessantly “Busting her balls” on a date, I once had a woman tell me that she wasn’t enjoying our interaction and that she wanted to go home. It was a bit disturbing to me, since I was following the cocky/funny motto and berating her nonstop. Hey, by all accounts she should have been all over me. With that much cocky/funny, she should have been proposing marriage to me. I guess she just didn’t like being picked on by some guy who had asked her out on a date.
Teasing properly can be fun and it can enhance the interaction by making more interesting and flirtatious. However, at some point, there has to be a real person there. At some point, a man and a woman have to establish some rapport and have a real conversation, even if it’s something as simple as where they grew up or what they studied in college. Making fun of a person’s reply every time gets to become very obnoxious very quickly.
This does not mean you stop teasing completely. Rather, you sprinkle it in. Imagine teasing as if it were table salt. You want to sprinkle a bit of salt on your meal to give it a kick but you can easily overdo it and ruin the meal.
In fact, use the table-salt analogy to your advantage from now. Here is the formula: More teasing in the beginning of the interaction, and less teasing as you build rapport. At this point, use it as table salt. Use accordingly but don’t over do it.
Recap
Men have been taught to be cocky/funny. They are taught “To bust a woman’s balls” which, by the way, has to be one of the most moronic idiomatic expressions ever. If a woman you’re talking to actually has balls, you probably should move on. They never mention that part! But let’s digress
How did this advice come to exist?
It’s not that the people promoting cocky/funny manifesto necessarily had bad intentions or meant to dupe or deceive you. It’s just that they did not know any better themselves. They were not touting advice because they had discovered something that worked for them. Rather, they were making observations of other people that had a working model, but the observers never understood the nuts and bolts of it. They didn’t understand the nuances of it. On top of that, they weren’t really guys who understood dating and attraction. They were marketers.
It’s disconcerting to receive emails from angry men who have fallen flat on their faces repeatedly through the use of cocky/funny. Hopefully, after reading this article, you have an understanding of how to apply cocky/funny and understand its application in human social interactions.
What to take away from this article, especially if you’re one of the guys who has experienced severely poor results from using cocky/funny:
1. Don’t use insulting lines. Learn to be playful and confident, childlike. The source of your confidence comes from your aura and demeanor, not from insults.
2. Understand the type of women you’re interacting with. (Are you talking to a girl who looks she just walked off a porn set or are you talking to a woman who is an artist or someone who is very spiritual and reads Deepak Chopra for breakfast?)
3. Make sure your personality is congruent with your approach. Again, take a look at Vince Vaughn in Swingers and Robert Downey jr. in Iron man. Understand that cocky-funny is part of an attitude and personality, not just lines.
4. Learn to cut back on teasing, establishing rapport, and using the salt shaker analogy. More teasing early on, but as the interaction progresses, use it sporadically.
If you make these corrections, your success will rise. At the very least, you’re going to continue a normal interaction without getting “Blown out” because of some insulting line you learned from some guy who didn’t have grasp of the concept himself. On top of that, you now have a sense of timing, as to WHEN to tease, and when to pull back on it.
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Learn more from Cameron by visiting his site here:
About the Author: Stephen Nash is the founder of Cutting Edge Image Consulting. He is an Original Pick-up Artist and a well documented expert. Stephen has worked with thousands of clients, and is the author of the best-selling 
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Hammer | Feb 6, 2009 | Reply
Dude, cocky/funny, playful teasing, banter lines, negs: they’re all the same thing! Yea people make mistakes using them, but that just means that they’re miscalibrated, it doesn’t mean that David D or the theory is wrong. You should be disagreeing with 10-20% or so of what a woman has to say because it is NORMAL that two similar people who get along well would disagree about 10% of things.
By disagreeing, it builds intimacy quickly by implying that you already know each other better than you do. Friends call each other out on their bullshit, strangers try to be nice. It also shows that you’re not like every other guy coming up to her and trying to agree with every thing out of her mouth just to get into her pants.
It should also be noted that when David D talks about C&F he really emphasizes the F part, as does Mystery when he talks about negs. The reaction should be a laugh, not anger. If you’re not getting laughter, you’re uncalibrated or doing something wrong.
Cameron Teone | Feb 6, 2009 | Reply
Dude, what part of the article did you NOT understand?
The point is that miscalibrated guys are teaching other miscalibrated guys concpets that easily come off as offensive.
Random guy wrote: “If you’re not getting laughter, you’re uncalibrated or doing something wrong.”
Yep, and the way cocky/funny is taught to guys, it sets them up for doing it the WRONG way. The article is discussing how to fix that. I felt that it was pretty clear, but you somehow manage to misinterpret it. If blurting out insults with a dead-pan delievery, works for you, then keep doing it.
I’ve been teaching guys in field longer than you probably have been in this community and have seen enough guys kill their interactions by insulting women left and right, because they thought some stupid line made them look cool.
PUAvictim | Feb 6, 2009 | Reply
I loved this article! Many guys approach a girl and they go about too strong. Imagine being too strong and insulting her (trying to be cocky/funny) on a bad night! I love the way you talk about knowing when to back off, having a sense of timing. It’s hard to teach that to guys, I’m glad you are able to do it.
Being a girl, I love playfulness, I am very sarcastic, and love when guys get it.
Awesome article!Thanks Stephen Nash for having Cameron Toene on your blog:)
Connor | Feb 8, 2009 | Reply
True words!
One thing I noticed too, and Captain Jack(betheseducer.com) talks about it a lot, is that if have a girl who likes you after a good approach etc, and you pull out a neg or some I’m too good for you C&F remark you will really kill their self esteem, they’ll think they don’t have a chance and it will kill the interaction.
Happened to me last night… Girl liked me, after 15 mins or so I said “I’m not going to sleep with you lady!” (in my head it was funny). Holy shit it really killed the vibe though. Saved it, but I won’t be doing that again once there is any sort of connection.
Hammer | Feb 8, 2009 | Reply
Yo Cameron, I wasn’t trying to doubt your skills as a PUA or as an instructor, it just seemed like you were attacking the concept of C&F in favor of your own “Playful Teasing.” Maybe I was being reactionary toward the inflammatory title and first couple of paragraphs (I was at work and didn’t have a full 10 minutes to set aside), because after re-reading the article a little more carefully I can see that you’re not really attacking the concept but rather correcting the misuse.
Omar | Feb 8, 2009 | Reply
The article makes sense. You can’t constantly keep using C/F it gets tiring after awhile trying to come up with material to say to a female instead of being genuine. I’ve made that mistake in the past. There has to be a balance.
Cameron Teone | Feb 9, 2009 | Reply
Yep…. Agreed. The “Concept” of using humor and getting a laugh out of a girl, and even being a bit cocky is a good concept. The teaching of its application, on the other hand, has been somewhat disastrous. Another thing I should have mentioned is using cocky/funny after receiving compliments from women that someone else alluded to. It’s another misuse of cocky/funny taught to guys seeking dating advice.
Maybe I’ll write that part and Stephen will be kind enough to add more to what is already an article that’s too long.
Cameron
Stephen Nash | Feb 9, 2009 | Reply
This is a great discussion - exactly why I have a blog frankly. Cam, whatever you want to write is A-OK by me. You and I have seen countless guys do WAY TOO MUCH with C&F. Less is way more with it. The problem is that a lot of guys are insecure, or suffer a lack of confidence, and feel that so strongly when in front of a woman. So, his feelings outweigh what he’s actually SEEING. She might be giving him a strong attraction signals, but he won’t be able to see them as he’s too absorbed in how he feels about himself. That’s when he lays it on too thick.
A guy might consider noticing the results he’s getting - do girls tend to walk away irritated/angry? Do they feel insulted by you? If so - this is probably your problem.
Sn.
Doc Holliday | Feb 9, 2009 | Reply
Good article that clears up a lot of issues guys have with using material they don’t understand.
Anton | Feb 16, 2009 | Reply
You might want to actually read some of David D’s materials before you say that he doesnt know the nuts and bolts of what he’s teaching. In fact in his seminar on cocky and funny he pretty much says the same things you said above. Its true that its quite easy to crash and burn with it but if you make it a persona and dont overdo it then its just a tool and is very effective. He’s quite aware of everyone overdoing it and always cautions people in the same way you just did.
I think the trouble is that most people dont really listen when he says that because they want a quick fix and dont wish to put in the time to actually understand what they’re doing. The flair of the technique gets to them and they just ignore the warnings. I guess thats the trouble…if you treat it like lines then it works quite poorly.
Anyway I just wanted to point out that the masses that misuse cocky and funny are usually responsible for their own demise and its not due to David D’s ignorance.
Cameron Teone | Feb 21, 2009 | Reply
What are you? His Press agent?
Most guys misuse cocky/funny because it’s taught INCORRECTLY. The article is not about David D, by the way. Ya know, It’s probably something in the drinking water that makes so many guys misuse cocky/funny across the board.
Since, I can’t purify the drinking water, I am trying to help them through this article.
John | Feb 24, 2009 | Reply
Cameron
I am a 47 yr old male and have been using cocky/funny for several years now. There is nothing wrong with cocky/funny. It’s in the delivery. Most men don’t know how to use it. Most use it in an arrogant way. That will turn a woman off. In fact arrogant people turn everyone off. If you and your readers want to see a GREAT movie, go see “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. You will most definatly take some pointers away.
Anton | Mar 1, 2009 | Reply
fair enough. i’m no press agent, i just like cocky/funny as taught by David D and think that it works well. i do agree that if you’re not quite sure why it works you’ll screw it up. most people don’t teach the why, but the problem is still not the teaching but people using techniques mindlessly.
Daniel | May 10, 2009 | Reply
The examples given in the article [“Nice shoes, did you buy them new?”
“Nice Outfit. Where is the rest of it?”
“You just want me, like all the other women.”
“Nice portrait. Have you considered wearing more makeup?”
(Ok, I made that last one up.)] have nothing to do with Cocy & Funny.
These are not c/f lines, these are negs.
Cameron Teone | May 11, 2009 | Reply
“These are not c/f lines, these are negs.”
OK, Are you a complete dumbass or you just play one on the Internet? Just for clarification.
Wait, was the cocky/funny or a neg? Well, I am sure you’ll figure it out.
Spungo | Feb 8, 2010 | Reply
Cocky/Funny has jumped the shark. The whole purpose of C/F was to set yourselrf apart from the crowd. Well, now every douchenozzle with an email address is using C/F all day, every day. At work, at school, in bars, on the street… EVERY guy is using the EXACT same C/F game to get women. It’s overdone and lame. More importantly, women do not respond to it anymore. They see right through it.
Stephen Nash | Feb 9, 2010 | Reply
Excellent point Spungo. I find that the laid back approach is now really strong, with the slightest bit of flirting thrown in at the absolute perfect moment. But, everyone who is exposed to C/F overdoes it and it is very apparent now with so many guys using it.
Spungo | Feb 10, 2010 | Reply
I agree 100% Stephen. Laid back, masculine, and kind (not “nice”… kind) with a heavy dose of indifference works wonders (just as it always has and probably always will). There’s a lot of truth to what David D says regarding women not being attacted to a push-over (or “wussie” as he puts it). That should be common sense. My hats off to him for reinforcing that point. But C/F is dead. It has died just like the cheesy pick-up lines of the 1970’s did. C/F no longer sets a man apart from the crowd. Using it lumps him in with about 95% of the male population (no exaggeration) who is currently using C/F. Another thing to condider is that women have email addresses too. They have brothers, boyfriends, and other male friends who have clued them in on the whoe C/F craze. They (rightly) see it as manipulative and phony. Combine the fact that virtually all men are using it and that women see it as “game” and you are left with something that is completely ineffective.
Richard | Feb 11, 2010 | Reply
Dont talk crap, 95% of guys use c/f? 95% of guys dont even know about the seduction community. 95% of guys are clueless with women. And even those who are using c/f, are they doing it right? Its a skill and u can easily screw it up and have it backfire.
Spungo | Feb 11, 2010 | Reply
Do you live in a cave Richard? OK, I admit 95% may have been a bit off… it’s actually much closer to 100%.
I’m 29 and LITERALLY every male friend I have is FULLY aware of the “seduction community”. I agree with you that most men do c/f completely wrong, but the fact is that the VAST majority of men are now using c/f, negs, etc.
It’s overdone and women can spot it a mile away.
Richard | Feb 12, 2010 | Reply
No i live in the UK, and im 29 also. Maybe in places like LA and New York everyones at it but not here. I see clueless guys all the time, and talk to alot of women who tell me how clueless most guys are. I hear some really funny stories lol. I tried to turn some guy friends to the seduction community but theyre too caught up in their own ego to do anything.
I just want to comment on this part of the article:
“Back when I was reading dating advice, I remember someone asking a question from the cocky/funny guru regarding its usage. He asked, “I used some lines to tease her. She was eating it up and having a good time. At what point should I stop?”
“The writer of cocky/funny manifesto replied back, “What is wrong with you? What would you ever stop busting her balls? That’s what has gotten you thus far. Why would you ever stop now?”
That, right there, is perhaps one of the single worst pieces of advice ever written on dating. After incessantly “Busting her balls” on a date, I once had a woman tell me that she wasn’t enjoying our interaction and that she wanted to go home. It was a bit disturbing to me, since I was following the cocky/funny motto and berating her nonstop. Hey, by all accounts she should have been all over me. With that much cocky/funny, she should have been proposing marriage to me. I guess she just didn’t like being picked on by some guy who had asked her out on a date.”
You’re saying David D gave him really bad dating advice? All he was saying was why would u stop doing what works and got her attracted to u in the first place! The differences there was that he said she was “eating it up and having a good time”
Where as the girl u did it on wasnt enjoying the interaction and “wanted to go home”
I think alot of this is just plain common sense. Its obvious u wouldnt use c/f with every single thing that comes out of your mouth. That’d be just stupid. Like anything in life, balance is key. I mean do that many guys have no common sense and are that socially unintelligent and uncalibrated?
Also this:
“It’s not that the people promoting cocky/funny manifesto necessarily had bad intentions or meant to dupe or deceive you. It’s just that they did not know any better themselves. They were not touting advice because they had discovered something that worked for them. Rather, they were making observations of other people that had a working model, but the observers never understood the nuts and bolts of it. They didn’t understand the nuances of it. On top of that, they weren’t really guys who understood dating and attraction. They were marketers.”
So hang on, we’re talking about David D here right. We all know hes the guy who promotes c/f and he’s a great marketer. But he doesnt understand dating and attraction? He wrote a whole book on attraction called ‘Attraction Isn’t A Choice’ not to mention all the other stuff he’s done. If he was a fraud he would have been outed by now. U can clearly see in his programs hes a confident and funny guy.
Michael | Feb 23, 2010 | Reply
Well, the thing that The Community is really good at is teaching ‘faux’ masculinity–these little snippets of behavior that resemble the behaviors of a natural. It’s not all bad. Just as Cameron wrote, it gives guys a reference point to start with. And success with women is NOT all ‘inner game’. For example, there’s a certain time frame of how long to call a girl after you get her #, and a guy runs the risk of turning her off if he deviates too far from that, even if it’s for all the ‘right’ reasons.
The problems come when guys don’t graduate onto the big picture, when they don’t see how these snippets of behavior they’ve learned fit into (or don’t) the context of a mature masculinity, and what women really crave in a man. So while we all have to start somewhere, we eventually need to graduate and move on.
By the way guys, if something has become “overdone” to the point where “women see through it”, then it is a sign that it never really was the answer. I mean, think about it: Would any of us object if seemingly every woman around us now has both supermodel looks and a friendly, giving, genuine personality to go with that?
Stephen Nash | Feb 24, 2010 | Reply
Good points Michael. I agree, the community teaches “beginner” level attraction/rules/attitudes. Which, for guys who have low to no skill (like me when I discovered it), is a GOD-SEND. But, at a certain point, known only to each individual, one MUST move on - otherwise, he stays in the same spot and will find himself attracting the same girl over and over again…
Also, at a certain point (past all the beginner stuff) it DOES become all inner-game - but only once a guy has the other stuff ‘down’. He’ll eventually find himself left with…himself.
Michael | Feb 26, 2010 | Reply
Yeah. When I came into The Community, I had no idea why I wasn’t attracting women. Even though I did find myself going down the wrong path on occasion, I am appreciative about getting some reference points to start from. Anyway, (hopefully) the ‘himself’ a guy is left with is a much better version than he was before:
–He is far more at ease with himself in a variety of social situations.
–He takes responsibility for his life, both the good aspects of it and that which he needs to work on. This involves action.
–His life is now filled with meaningful goals and pursuits. He has a mission bigger than getting laid.
–He handles stressful situations far more calmly than before.
–He goes for what he wants in life.
–And yes, he knows how to flirt, tell stories, and is able to read a woman’s signs, has the outer-game social skills.
–He doesn’t supplicate or give his power away to anyone. Including a girl he is attracted to.
I’m not all the way there yet, but I am working on it.