Female Psychology 101 – Female Attraction
Female attraction is different than male attraction. The elements that trigger attraction in a woman are different than they are for a man. The ultimate feeling of attraction is likely the same, but what creates it are different in men and women.
So, when we are talking about female psychology, we need to understand how it is very different than male psychology – and in particular, how this relates to meeting women and dating.
Lets start with this study on female attraction with a quick synopsis of what male attraction is, what it looks like and how it usually happens.
Male Attraction
Attraction for men starts with the physical. You see her across the lounge, cafe or bookstore and feel that twinge of excitement in your gut. You know that feeling don’t you? This is called attraction. It’s a biochemical reaction to certain physical stimuli.
Now, at first glance, it seems us guys are rather shallow doesn’t it? Some girl with a great body and a cute smile will trigger our “attraction” process? Well, in many ways, YES. But, there is something deeper happening here which is a result of our evolutionary process.
Forgetting for a moment the cultural images of beauty, and how it shapes our attraction process (and it does, I assure you), lets look at the baseline reality of “reproduction”.
There are certain physical images in women, certain characteristics and traits, which signal to men that the woman in question is fertile and mother-ready. Large breasts & curvy hips are the most clear examples of this.
To the biological man, these images signal “woman”. They are timeless, and we cannot deny their impact upon us. Attraction for men is mostly tied in to this specific process.
To tie this all together (and to avoid the rabid female response which is inevitable – “you treat us as objects!”), it’s important to note that – at least in my experience – there are 2 important stages of attraction for a man:
1) The physical/biological (as covered above)
2) The emotional/feminine
The emotional feminine is when you are speaking with “her” and find her attractive in a deeper way. Her personality clicks with yours. Her voice excites you. Her eyes are more than just objects. Her energy flows in a way which wakes you up…etc.
The physical is important for us – it’s kind of the GATE that she must pass through in order to have the opportunity to show us her more feminine/emotional side which is the part that will lead to long-term attraction and connection.
Female Attraction
The short answer to “what is female attraction” is…the reverse of the above. What attracts her initially, more than anything else, is a certain vibe or presence in you. Let’s call it “masculinity”. But, that inevitably conjures up images of Russell Crowe and Mickey Rourke (seen “The Wrestler” yet? I hope Mickey wins…).
But, what I teach, and what I have found to be the ultimate trait which naturally attracts women – which triggers their attraction “process” – is a little thing I call…
Security
A guy who is secure. His vibe is not needy, nor is it totally isolated. He’s able to talk to people in a relaxed way because nothing life-shattering is at stake. His self-esteem is not on the line. He needs no external validation, his energy is intact.
Some of the ugly catch-phrases in our world are “neediness” and “seeking validation”. These are the 2 cursed characteristics in men. And, it’s true that these 2 traits destroy more possibilities for guys than they could even possibly realize.
So, while you memorize your routines and gimmicks for your next outing to meet women, while you contemplate which pick-up artist to study and learn from, remember this…
None of it will help you AT ALL unless you’ve addressed and corrected any – and I mean ANY – issues related to being self-secure.
A guy who is self-secure is also known as…a MAN (in my humble opinion).
Nothing wrong with learning a little gimmick here or there to get you out the door and into the party (so to speak), but your primary focus should be on developing SECURITY with yourself. This is the ultimate skill needed to master female attraction.
Next comes the physical elements. So, your look, your social skills, your breath, your hair style, your genetic looks, etc. Sure, they are important. But, to women – they are secondary. Unless you have a vibe of “healthy, secure, man” you won’t attract the highest calibre of woman into your life.
Understanding female psychology, and these 2 important parts to female attraction, is important for you (if you’re a single guy, that is). If you want to attract women TO you, then there must be something, someone “there” to attract her to – right?
Everything which follows, whether it’s the structure for meeting women (mine is simple – engage/hook/connect), whether it’s the social skills for attracting them, whether it’s the importance in establishing and maintaining a strong emotional connection with them, all the way down to how you ask for her phone number…it all MATTERS. And, it all FLOWS from this central understanding of what attracts women.
Security. Security. Security.
It won’t attract them ALL (no dude…nothing does…), but it will attract the RIGHT ones to you.
In our next session of “Female Psychology 101″ we will endeavor then to understand HOW to develop this priceless skill known as “security”.
After which I am confident you will see…why people, once they work with me 1-1, view me more as a life coach than merely a dating coach. Dating is actually a reflection of how healthy and evolved your real LIFE is. If you can get your life handled, well then the “dating thing” seems to take care of itself.
The paradox is…most guys can only see their lack of dating success in terms of their lack of social skill. The hardest thing for most guys to SEE is that, although this is a part of their challenge, the real issue is something bigger. Their lives have no meaning. Their social lives have no vitality. And they spend their lives chasing carrots that they never actually catch. They never question the fundamentals of their actual, real life.
So, instead, they cloak themselves with gimmicks and routines, as they are “certain” that they just need to learn how to approach more women. Then, when this doesn’t fully work, they realize they need more gimmicks, and they need to dress differently. Then, when this doesn’t satisfy, they add even more surface appeal.
They are treating women like men – humans who respond first to the physical. Which is precisely why this doesn’t fully work.
To see that it is something much deeper and more profound. A lack of something central, solid and consistent. A lack of anything which is not pulled in a million-&-1 different directions when he sees a pretty girl. Something stable. Something secure. Without this, no amount of gimmickry and polish will matter my man.
She will know (very quickly in fact) that you aren’t who you say you are…
Interested in learning this “way” with women? Download my eBook “How To Get A Girlfriend”. I lay out the “path” to becoming more naturally attractive to women. Armed with the right information, I’ve seen guys develop the lifestyle and social skills that attract women in a matter of months. No time like the present to get started…
Download “How To Get A Girlfriend” By Clicking Here
Sn.
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About the Author: Stephen Nash is the founder of Cutting Edge Image Consulting. He is an Original Pick-up Artist and a well documented expert. Stephen has worked with thousands of clients, and is the author of the best-selling 
I always be myself when dating with a woman and I really enjoyed it. But this is a great article ...
Sean...
Poor guy. Dude, websites track IP addresses - which means I can blatantly see that you posted as "Elaine". ...
Actually it looks like one person here does know women. And unfortunately that's not the person peddling his wares ...
Good to see someone is actually reading these 'forums'. I didn't get to see them until like 2 years after ...
Michael Capalbo | Feb 4, 2009 | Reply
Hey Stephen,
Great great blog post. I agree, and it does a guy good to read stuff like this every morning!
Puavictim | Feb 4, 2009 | Reply
Once again I am in agreement with everything you stated! As a woman intrigued by the PUA community I applaud you! There are a lot of gurus out there that give PUAs a bad name. You set the good PUAs apart by really explaining what we as women look for in a man. There is nothing sexier than a man sure of himself! Thank you for all that you do!
Stephen Nash | Feb 4, 2009 | Reply
Great comments here. Michael – always a pleasure man, glad to see you here.
PUAv…thanks a lot. I like the “Puma” thing. Care to tell – in brief – what happened to you, to earn the nickname “victim”? I’m interested in knowing, if you care to share.
Sn.
Infinity | Feb 4, 2009 | Reply
I love what you said here, Stephen. It’s important that guys realize that their overall lifestyles and perception of life will determine their overall success socially and in the dating world. I’m glad there are other people out there that also help guys with this. Not enough do.
The simplest thing you said that guys need to know is that “it’s the opposite.” Women are willing to set aside physical looks (to a point) if you are confident, secure and plain and simply, a MAN. There are less MEN out there than good-looking men. Looking more presentable is a bonus of course but won’t do you any good if you aren’t secure within yourself.
Great post here, Stephen and I look forward to reading more of your insights and thoughts.
PUAvictim | Feb 4, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for your interest in how I earned the name PUAvictim. I know you are extremely busy so I’ll make the long story short. I am an open minded woman, who’s boyfriend confession of being a PUA, set her on a mission to learn all there is to know about PUAs. My boyfriend has taught me a lot and I am soooo intrigued. I am almost finished with “The Game” by Neil Strauss and of course, I am following and learning from you. I am a proud PUA victim!!!!
Jack Reed | Feb 5, 2009 | Reply
Steven, fantastic post.
I love how it brings people back in line with realising that just pure PUA can in fact fail – if you as a person are not content with yourself, confident and very pleased with how life is.
I have interviewed many women with regards to what they look for when it comes to being approached by men, and it was confirmed that the looks element (within reason) are secondary.
I believe in looking back to our “animal” roots to put into perspective as to how we are perceived by women.
Just look at the animal kingdom, and look at how males dance or display their dominance in order to attract a mate.
If a female wants to mate, they want to choose the best there is to offer – in most cases the genetic side of things.
Take this to the modern world, and the way we as men are able to attract women, is to show we are capable at looking after ourselves and in turn them.
Thank you again for the very informative and worthwhile post. I enjoyed reading it
Stephen Nash | Feb 5, 2009 | Reply
Good one Jack. I always think tracing things back to biology, and the jungle, is so informative and useful. Makes a lot of sense. You put it well!
Stephen Nash | Feb 5, 2009 | Reply
Interesting PUAv. Glad you’re happy, and that a PUA can do things the right way to meet a woman for a relationship – that’s the idea. I’d love to know more how you guys met. Any story there? Did he pick you up? Very cool…
Peter S. | May 17, 2009 | Reply
Wow! My girl (ex girl) broke up with me. Never felt this pain before! Now it is on me to get her back and the blog post emboldes me to win her back. Cuz yesterday i noticed that my vibe had become worse over the months. I could not give her security anymore. But now i feel like a new man I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I LIVE MY LIFE. Thanks for this post! I hope it is not to late to win her back. I LOVE HER! I WON’T GIVE HER UP! wish me luck…
*a day without a smile is a wasted day*
Dale Evers | Jun 22, 2009 | Reply
Stephen, I really enjoy reading your insightful takes on the sexes. Would you consider sparing a word about a topic I’ve found very little discussion on: how to court a woman who is friendly and receptive but who is earnestly taking a break from dating(due to past baggage) to work on herself?
Stephen Nash | Jun 22, 2009 | Reply
Well Dale, I think the best thing is to give her space to work on herself – let it be, so to speak. Meanwhile, date other women and avoid becoming 1-focused. If you push her, you will push her away. If you are successful in ‘courting’ her, she will bring all of her baggage with her. You don’t want that, do you?
If it’s meant to happen, it will. It will be clear, down the road, that she is ready – and if you are there sans baggage yourself, ask her for a date.
Sn.
Online Dating Product Review | Sep 19, 2009 | Reply
Don’t mind my adding a bit of cents here.
In other words, what Stephen is trying to say is all you need is CONFIDENCE. And when I say confidence, it is physical confidence. It’s your body language, it’s your voice, it’s your energy, your ATTITUDE.
An Alpha Man has two basic characteristics:
Alpha Men are CONFIDENT of themselves. They are SECURE of themselves. Secure is not the amount of money, amount of girls, or the number of cars you have. It’s the purpose of your life. Do you know it? Are you moving towards it? Are you sure of what you are doing? It’s your lifestyle that must be secure.
Alpha Men are the one IN CHARGE. They are in charge of themselves. And they take charge over others wherever is needed. They are the leaders in a group.
Alpha Men KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. They are pretty committed to their purpose of life. They are oblivious to everything else. They know what they do and are completely dedicated to that. It again comes down to security and confidence.
Alpha Men are Socially Graceful. They are pretty good in Social Skills. They know how to use their practical social brain. People see them as pleasant, people rely on them, people want to hang out with them, people know they are interesting, people know they radiate a positive energy, people know they are better life.
Guys…Get that right.
I hope I didn’t spoke too much!
orville | May 6, 2010 | Reply
what the hell is PUA?
justin | May 17, 2010 | Reply
i have a girlfriend whom i really love but i don’t she really love me or not coz right now am totally in love with her.
Hunter Reed | May 19, 2010 | Reply
A Life Coach is sometimes very necessary so that we do not loose our way in our lives.*;’
Byron Mcconnell | Feb 23, 2011 | Reply
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Madrid | Aug 9, 2011 | Reply
I do absolutely agree with Byron. With each word ! Im spanish, woman, and i can assure what u posted is the truth. Thats what “good women” do search for.
sean | Mar 29, 2012 | Reply
There is no ‘science’ to anyt of this. I believe you can learn how to be a better man’ in a minor way, but most of it is already inside of you.
Whether you choose to be yourself, exert your true beliefs and feelings, and not care about how this male controlled society views you is the key. You have to be strong inside yourself. Confidence and lack of need for validation is so sexy to women. So is mystery, intrigue, a slow buildup to an emotional climax. You can be oh so vulnerable and emotional, yet still come across with your best foot forward. I am entirely in touch with and compelled by my own self-knowledge and it stretches to knowing the opposite sex as well.
I have yet to truly read/heard any decent advice by a guy to other guys. If anything I will take a female’s belief system and fundamental feminist ideals over anything a man is going to spew in the way of treatment of women.
I myself have always been different. I don’t cater to nor care about how other guys see me. I don’t care nor desire to care to measure up to some misguided ‘typical male’ macho sexist egotistical notion of seeing women as objects and having a predictable self defeating primary goal in life to have sex. The double standards in this and everything else in society are magnified because everyone seems to accept and glamorize it when guys womanize, when they have no morals, when they mistreat and degrade women. When they exert their so called male dominance and bring women down just to stroke their own egos and cover up their own insecurities and inadequacies.
This is speaking to other guys here- Stop blaming women for your troubles, take responsibility! You are at fault, not any of the women who have rejected you. If you think about all the asenine, selfish, misguided, barren of empathy and emotion, words and actions you used with the women you were trying oh so hard to impress… tthen you might come to the realization that YOU would reject yourself too. Stop making the same mistakes over and over and own up to things. It is all inside of you.
Just watch tv and you will always find a program where you see women attacked, made fun of, objectified, portrayed in a negative light. But what do guys get? As long as they come across as the typical fool, they appear ‘cool’ to other guys and even to some women. You find that on tv, on the net, in the real world, everywhere.
If you don’t have it inside of you already to respect, appreciate, and hold women as equals, and as the amazing intellectual, emotional, passionate,desirable, talented beings they are, then no book and no teacher is going to help you change into a man who does.
I love women period. I love them for everything they have inside of them. Yes I can appreciate the physical, but strangely enough I am always more attrcated to women on an emotional level. The little things about them that other guys are so clueless about can never see or pick up, but I do. Because they are visually oriented, and I ‘m not. In fact most of my feelings and emotions are very similar to that of females’. I need there to be that emotional connection or I can’t even get to the physical part. I have always been different and guys have treated me like crap, questioned my sexuality, and attacked me for similar things they attack women for.
I identify, relate, and wholeheartedly hold a ton of empathy for women’s plight in society. The same issues that continue to plague them because of a male dominated society that degrades, objectifies, attacks, holds back, and trivializes female importance. I for one am not part of those problems. I make it my business to be part of the solution. And I am very proud to call myself a male feminist. And I I try to spread my beliefs around to as many as possible to get others to truly feel what they couldn’t conceive of before.
It’s not just about getting yourself a better facade/mask/game so women will like you. It’s about showing them that you get it. Through your actions. And that you are authentic, genuine, and that your emotions overshadow the same boring predictable selfish egotistical controlling male pretzel logic that makes most guys appear as the jackasses they trul;y are within a few minutes of spending time with a woman. It doesn’t take a female long to read you. And I’m the same way, I am led by my feelings, and go with them on everything. I read people and situations extremely well and possess more than enough empathy to truly understand/feel what females do. That’s why I never needed to read any books, or use any gimmicks to help me.
I have the rarest personality type in the world btw, which is INFJ and that is why I am this way for the most part. If you are into jung psychology, read about that personality type and you will see the natural insight it gives me into women and that I am actualyl very close to clairvoyant on many levels.
I just ammyself, and if they don’t like me, too bad. But most women appreciate me as a person and if it goes further, cool. I make them live up to my standards just as they do to me. I am picky and do not settle for trapppings of good looks as I said before. I am more than capable of playing my male role, but at the same time I never get in the way of them playing an equally as meaningful female role and the important part is that the less you try to control them and every situation, the better things will be. It is unhealthy if either person is controlling, dominating, degrading, abusive, etc.
And guess what- all the same loser guys that are clueless with women, they won’t ever learn. It isn’t inside of them to be any different, and sometimes girls make the wrong decisions and end up with those same losers. You can’t argue with the essence of emotional attraction and that is why no matter what a woman says on a logical level about what she wants, or about not being happy with a guy she is with for obvious reasons, the emotional part says otherwise.
The more guys embrace their femininity, their emotions, and stop caring about how other guys or society views them, the better they will get with finding the right woman. And my ultimate goal has always been fall in love with one girl. A monogomous relationship. I don’t watch nor need porn, ever. It portrays women as objects as Lisa said. And why would I want to watch a fake display of dirty physically oriented sex. I want my sex to be real, engulfed in true love, passionate, and emotional.
I don’t fantasize about sex. I fantasize about an emotional connection with a girl who can give me evertyhing that will complete me and share her love. While I do the same for her. I have no desire to sleep with anyone until I am in love. I don’t care how I am viewed, I know what I want, what’s right for me, and generally what women want and what’s right for them. And I feel just like they do on so many things. It gives me that inside advantage and it really could help other guys if they just embraced what’s inside , instead of trying so hard to fight their so called vulnerabilities with their misguided clueless male trappings.
Vulnerability, emotions, feeling, love, passion, energy, desire, sincerity, loyalty… are just some of what fills my heart and what I am looking for in the heart of the right girl for me.
-sean-