Barry Kirkey’s Thoughts on Orthodox Jews (his new neighbors)

As you might have recently heard, Barry has moved into a new place. The owners are Orthodox Jewish – you know, the ones with the black capes, hats and beards.

There seems to be a lot of talk about this on both the show, and the forum, so I decided to have us all get on the same page with some solid facts about Orthodox Judaism – also known as black cape deluxe-ism. Oh! I also added some color to add some pizazz!

1. Orthodox Jews believe the entire Torah was given to Moses by God at Sinai and remains authoritative for modern life in its entirety. Basically, the Torah is taken word-for-word? Despite all the proof that science is always providing with new and exciting breakthroughs in the modern world?

2. The Sabbath, from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday, is considered a day of rest. The work that is or is not permitted is carefully detailed in the Talmud, and includes things like:
   
   • Using the telephone
   • Pressing an elevator button
   • Turning on a stove element
   • Using anything that uses electricity or fire… how the hell do they heat their homes in the winter.

   This seems to be the biggest thing for me that would just suck, and I can see why a lot of people might mistake this for laziness.

3. Orthodox Jews are not allowed to eat cheeseburgers. Dairy and meat are not allowed to be together because it says in the Torah to, “not boil a kid in its mother’s milk.” Some families have two fridges to store these things separately.

4. Married Orthodox Jewish women are supposed to keep their hair covered. Because Jewish men find hair the hottest thing about women?

5. The long strands are actually on the side (growing one side burns long) following the explicit commandment in the Torah that Jews follow believe that they should not shave the corners of their beards/sideburns.

6. Most Hasidic Orthodox Jews wear black clothing – I can’t get into “why” without being all historical, and I don’t have the time or the space to write that much. Just know that they do.

7. They are not supposed to go to a Gentile’s house lest the people give them non-kosher food. I heard that if they do not eat kosher food, their heads turn to Styrofoam and explode. That’s just what I heard.

8. Orthodox Jews are restricted to eating foods that are “Kosher” only. The list of criteria that allows something to be Kosher is very big, so it’s almost impossible for me to list them all here, but basically, things like pig meat (ham, pork, etc.) is not allowed because they don’t “chew the cud.”

9. Throw evolution out the window, they believe that God created the world close to 6,000 years ago.

10. Every Orthodox Jewish family has a copy of the album “Slide It In” by Whitesnake, released in 1984.

The rest is just a bunch of religious facts that would be a waste of my time to write when you could just get your lazy asses over to Wikipedia. Thank you!

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Glad they saved the pink for last. Want to listen to Barry and Stefan RIGHT NOW? Go here:

The Barry Kirkey Radio Show