How To Actually “Change” And Why Most Of You Can’t

Strong words, I know.

Most of you will not change at all this year, in fact, you will DEvolve grooving more and more negative habits and pulling further and further away from your goals in life.

If you’ve made a New Year’s Resolution list, it is likely you’ve already broken many of them, if not all of them – and it’s only the 5th of January.

Why is that?

Wrong goals
Wrong expectations

For the most part, you (nor I) can change ourselves.

We cannot become that guy we view in our mind’s eye. And, once we begin to bump up against the extreme resistance that is in the way of the REAL change that CAN happen, we stop – we are either too lazy, or too resistant to the discomfort required.

The truth hurts, and I seriously doubt you’ll be in a new position next year, “being” the guy you’re looking to become.

BUT…there is a way to GROW (notice I don’t use the word “change”) and EVOLVE.

I think the American obsession with “Change” (sorry Barack) is so extreme that it’s practically an epidemic. Just venture to the self-help aisle at your local Barnes & Noble (the main winner in the self-help movement btw), and take stock for yourself. There are so many books in those aisles that promote “change” when that is exactly impossible.

You can GROW, for sure.
You can BECOME.
You can EVOLVE.

But the “you” that does will, for the most part, remain the same.

So, lets temper our expectations here – the you that you have become is more than likely the guy you will live with for the next, say 30, 40, 50 or more years.

I believe in growth though, and becoming. I believe in cause & effect. I believe that we can evolve, over time, into better versions of ourselves.

We can grow self-esteem and social skills, becoming more attractive to women, improving our dating lives.

But, if your expectations are (secretly…) to become a different guy, you will lose and likely become so frustrated that you give up.

So, a GOOD and HEALTHY New Year’s Resolution list should be about what you intend to LEARN for the upcoming year. I don’t even believe in the cessation of negative habits as an effective approach – like, say, “stop smoking”. What I do believe in though is to improve one’s overall “health” which will naturally make me want to stop smoking. See that?

I did smoke a few years back, and the only way I stopped was to go to the gym every day, and feel better, which made me grossed out by the smell of cigarattes and caused me to nearly throw up when I smoked. THAT got me over the hump.

What skills or habits can you develop? What “something” do you want to learn?

Here’s my list for 2009:

Each Wednesday – a WTF day (I do WTF I want)
Study the works of: Fellini, Picasso, Emerson.
Study Hinduism
Take a 1-week farming class in the summertime (I want to know more about natural cycles, the earth, and the food that I eat)
Start a poker group in my hood
Yoga 2x/week, Gym 3x/week (yoga/gym occur in the same location)

See what I mean? I’m looking to LEARN this year, and I am doing so by seeing what I’m truly interested in, and moving towards the information and skill that I desire.

For guys who want to improve their dating and social lives, and who want to attract more interesting and beautiful women, what SKILLS can you learn that will enable you to do that?

Do you need to learn:

Better ways of meeting women?
Some fashion/style techniques to improve your first impression & overall vibe?
Lifestyle skills that naturally grow self-esteem and naturally attract women?

Those are my suggestions, as a 3-fold attack on one’s lack of dating success. In order to learn those, you’ll need people from the outside to HELP.

To learn anything requires input/energy from the outside – and availing yourself of the right resources is so important. So, be very careful what or who you choose to allow this privilege.

The final requirement? Discipline, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. They go hand in hand because discipline is easy when doing something I like (so, it feels comfortable). But, it isn’t so easy when I am doing something I don’t like.

Makes sense?

So, if you want to create a little accountability – post YOURS here on the blog (in the comment section below) and you and I can challenge each other to see who can actually complete their list, and the fastest…

You game?

Stephen.

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