Barry & Stefan: This Just In!

This Just In!

Famed pick up artist David DeAngelo was selected to play Frodo Baggins in the upcoming remake of Lord of the Rings. He will begin his training by listening to 70 hours of Michael Bolton music straight, then shoving boysenberry scented candles in his ears, nose and anus.

When asked about this bizarre technique, DeAngelo said, “If you say to a woman ‘I really like you’, it won’t be as effective as saying to them ‘You really like me’ in a teasing way. Do you understand?”

After which, he removed all his clothing and began yelling “hungry!” repeatedly.

Owen Cook, also known as “Tyler Durden” is confirmed to be starring in the new Chuck Palahniuk sequel, Fight Club 2. When asked about his role, Cook said, “Blubber-ubber-ubber-ubber. A-humina humina humina. This will be an African child’s make-out masterpiece more than you could even speculate.”

The “dating” community was in a panic last Sunday as co-founder of RSD “Papa” was found in the basement of a chicken-ball factory which he had purchased only a few hours earlier.
Papa was covered in sweet-and-sour sauce, unable to move more than a few feet, and consuming four, even five, chicken balls at a time.

The only words we could get from him were “Ching! Chang! Choing!”

Several medical professionals are now investigating his condition.

Neil Strauss, author of best-selling novel, The Game, was spotted in downtown Los Angeles at a local deli. He ordered a Chicken Douchebag Sandwich.

Mystery, the star of VH1’s “The Pick Up Artist” was admitted to LA county hospital last night after complaining of having too much fur on his hat. Doctors say that his scalp has somehow fused with his stupid fur hat, which is scientifically now called Mystery’s Actual Hair. It’s edible.

He also bought a new pet dog named “Mystery Sucks.”

Barry Kirkey, famous radio show host was interviewed on Thursday and said, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Followed, oddly by saying, “Seeeeeernlknffffffffeleeeeeeeeeeeelllrll”

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