Hey man -
Everyone likes a list, right?
Well, based on my approach to meeting women, there are 8 steps to a natural, solid “pick-up”.
Is it important that you be able to perfectly execute these 8? Absolutely NOT. Is it important though that you be competent with each? Absolutely.
#1) First you’ve gotta have great body language and tonality. If a girl sees that you’re needy in your body, she’ll lose interest and if she can sense that you’re insecure in your voice, she will also lose interest. Be heard, but don’t shout. If she has to say “huh?”, you’ve lost her.
#2) Next, you’ve gotta be able to open up the conversation. To my knowledge, there are 4 skills you can choose from: a direct approach, an environmental/situational, a teaser opener and an opinion opener. Depending upon the circumstances, any one of these will do the trick. There’s no need to become GREAT at any of these, just be competent and you’ll be fine, OK?
#3) Third, and this one’s hugely important, you’ve gotta be able to flirt. Flirting is what separates the friends from the boyfriends. Flirting builds sexual tension, which is mandatory in attracting women – no tension, no date – it’s that simple. Do this after the opener, and base it around what she says to you. Be tasteful, and don’t go TOO far with the cockiness. But, if you can find that edge of both a lite insult, but done with a great sense of humor, you’ll never have a lonely Saturday night again.
#4) Fourth, you’ve gotta be able to transition smoothly from flirting into connecting. In order for a woman to feel confident about giving you her number, she’s gotta feel connection with you. Makes sense right? In order then to influence the interaction away from the playful banter of flirting into more “getting to know you” talk, use my skill called baiting. This is where you dangle bait throughout the interaction, eliciting questions from her to you allowing her to transition the conversation into more “connect” based talking. If she takes the bait, so to speak, you know she’s attracted to you (why else would she want to know more about you then, right?).
#5) Fifth, Wide rapport is the essence to a solid connection when you first meet a girl. If you discover that you have one thing in common with a woman – say it’s rock climbing – then it’s natural to want to spend all of your time talking about just that. Well, that won’t get the job done man. You see, she needs to feel a strong sense of connection to truly want to carve out a few hours of her life for a date with you. Therefore, I suggest you find 3 commonalities. Takes a bit of art to do that, but the art is what makes pick-up fun. With 3 commonalities discovered, you’ve accomplished wide rapport…congratulations!
#6) Next, a bit of Kino can go a long way. I’m not talking about feeling her up here, or going wildly “sexual state” on her (thanks Gunwitch), but some subtle gentle touches, say to the hand or arm, maybe when making a simple point through the interaction, can go a long way to showing her that you are confident enough to enter and leave her physical space. The entering builds tension, and the leaving releases it. Subtleties like this place you in the leadership role in the interaction, again emphasizing that you aren’t her future BFF (gag).
#7) Seven – the compliment. You must state some level of interest in her. Flirting conveys sexual tension, yes – which solidifies attraction, if done effectively. But a compliment at this point in the interaction helps HER feel good in knowing that you are interested in her. If she’s stuck around for this long, she’s definitely interested in you and now, in order to feel secure that you’re a man of integrity and honesty, she will want to hear that you find her interesting and attractive in some way. A good compliment focuses on HER and not her GENETICS. Never compliment a woman’s eyes, hair, legs, boobs, ass or anything – not until you’re getting physically intimate with her – instead, allow her to feel SEEN by you by complimenting HER personality. Maybe she has a great sense of humor, a hip sense of style, whatever. Just acknowledge something about HER (and not her DNA), and you’ll be fine.
#8) Last, time to close it out with a number close – or, if this is a one night stand in the making – you move to a venue change. The number close is easy, use this and you’ll be fine:
“It’s been great chatting with you, but I’ve gotta run along to a lunch meeting (or whatever), but how can we continue this at another time?”.
The venue change requires a simple over-sell:
“Have you ever been to Art Cafe? They have the coolest environment in the west village, with amazing music, and we can grab some amazing latte and red velvet cake before I’ve gotta run home. What do you say, shall we?”
Either way, if she’s chatted with you for this long, and you’ve done the above simple steps, you’re sure to create a sturdy bridge to next time, whenever that is.
Keep it simple, and focused on these 8 steps and you’ll have a very sturdy social “spine” in the field out there. Yes, there is a bit of art in between all of these, but that can’t be taught and can only be learned thru live experience.
If you don’t own any of these skills, and want to learn them inside & out, backwards & forwards…Check out my new site at: www.natural-pickup.com where I break them all down, and throw in about 10 more for good measure.
Have an awesome weekend!