Stephen Nash’s Amsterdam Lair Interview

I thought you all would be interested to read a recent interview I had with the Amsterdam Lair.

How has your game evolved from where you started to where it is now?

I guess I’ve been all the way into the “game” mentality, and now I am all the way out – with everything happening naturally, as I want it. No tricks for me anymore. I have become “socialized”, if you will. So many men who struggle with women are unsocialized, which means they haven’t a clue how to relate to others. How to display interest in a way which doesn’t cause you to look like a fool, for example. This is called flirting, but so many men simply aren’t relaxed enough to do it. The game helped me to smoothen the channels of my natural expression. It was very important to stop with anything scripted though. Unless you make this move, your skills will never fully develop into full ownership, and your relations will all flow from surface to surface only – never any deeper…

What were turning points for you in your development as a seducer of women?

Well, the first would be when I stumbled onto the NYC Lair here – and began to hang with other guys. I was then able to see stuff in action, and learn from others. I quickly found that I was above average. The next would be Project Hollywood – just the whole experience – it informed me in both positive and negative ways. There, it was clear what was true and false and that the game in each of us tended to come from a very painful place. The skill levels there were so high, and the stories so wild and often fun.

Eventually, I split as it was so obvious that the promise was empty – an endless supply of women was not only improbable and immature, but also it was unhealthy. To have a real, lasting connection it was clear that a normal lifestyle – balanced, social, as well as private at times – was mandatory. Unless you’re happy, you’re not ready. I guess that would be the third and final turning point – when I realized I had to completely drop it all, and see what happens…then I could see that I learned something from all this, and it was obligatory for me to pass it on – a healthy version of what was out there.

What subjects did you like best in school?

Drama, philosophy, psychology. Was an actor for awhile, in school and NYC – but am mostly interested in philosophy and spiritual development now, and reading Whitman. Oh, and real estate…that proves I am American, I guess!

Food

Pineapples….try it, your girlfriends will thank you.

Film

Ulysses’ Gaze, Theo Angelopolous

Book

“The Looming Tower”, by Lawrence Wright – all about the origins of Al-Qaeda – extraordinary accounts of meetings/conversations etc. Really amazing, and well-written. One sees from this that the fight is against a philosophy much older than 9/11 – and to fire bombs at it is the height of silliness.

How has seduction changed since you started? How do you think the art of seduction will look 20 years from now?

Haha – it will be the same…always…the essential elements will, that is – we’re talking about creating an appeal to a feminine heart, from a masculine source. The dynamics of that will never change, the appearance and surface of the activity might – but never the real current. What men need is understanding of the feminine, not a bag of tricks – once you understand it, you will then have the key to relating with women. Until then, no bag of tricks can help you – though it can be a vehicle for some of the trip.

Has PU made you a better person? In what ways?

Definitely – more compassion for both men and women. By being in the business of teaching, it is so clear that both sides experience massive confusion, and that there is a great distance to travel before finding the right sorts of people for relationships. I am also in a position to provide something real – which is a good feeling. However, this is only after climbing out of a hole which was solely about putting numbers on the board – that’s fine for a while, but the real work begins after that.

What effect has your “career” had on your family and personal life?

It’s sort of a joke at the dinner table with family and friends, but then your brother or best-friend calls needing advice…so I know the score. My women friends LOVE it – and talk to me constantly about dating etc. I’ve also caught many a friend with Neil’s book on their shelf, after learning of my past. Some might think it’s a drawback in dating/relationships – and it can be, if you’re stupid. With some women, tell them right away and they are REALLY interested – others need more time – again, it’s about being socialized which takes experience.

Did you have any special items you take with you when you travel?

SKIP

What have you had to sacrifice to be as good as you are?

Nothing, as I see everything as growth – time and money were spent, and any price paid became a good lesson. The REAL price however is in learning how to check your ego and arrogance. So many guys out there really really really want an easy soft solution to this, and when they see how high the mountain is that they have to climb they either split, deny the mountain and chase after carrots, or just start climbing, accepting that really becoming good takes years of work…

What type of advice would you give to your teenage son?

Socialize as much as possible, and be direct with women – not rude – but direct (hell, even if you have to be rude at first…). I have decided that my boys will join a fraternity – FOR SURE. In America, this is the best training ground for socializing as an adult…yeah there’s lots of drinking…but in truth, so many valuable networks are created, you learn how to be around very attractive women, and you learn how to socialize with both men and women. As I see it, it’s a huge WIN in a guy’s development. In a way, the community fills that in for a lot of guys now, which is a good thing.

What was your biggest fear growing up?

Being embarrassed – which is why I’ve taken such care over the years to be intelligent socially.

What do you think of the term “pickup artist” and do you identify with it? What other word do you think describes you better?

I don’t identify with it – it implies sleazy, hawkish, insecure behavior. I prefer to think of myself as socially intelligent, with an eye for beauty.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Give us an example of that.

It depends on the situation. If I can help determine the outcome, I am an optimist. If I cannot, I am a pessimist…have lost faith in people over the years to live with integrity. I am not perfect in this, but I don’t expect others to have it. It helps save me from being disappointed and angry after the fact.

How much do you think looks and social status effect one’s success? What advice can you give on dealing with that?

Looks far less than social status. As far as looks goes, not everyone is genetically attractive, but anyone can be physically attractive. This is a principal CEIC was founded upon. Any guy can look his best…and there is never an excuse not to. I’m not talking about wearing a 3-piece suit everyday – but be smart about it, for Heaven’s sake. Social status is something that can be earned over time – whether it’s via your career, family legacy, social intelligence, whatever…this is very much under one’s control, and dare I say, impresses the ladies far more than your looks – in fact, I am VERY sure about this. However, if a woman is impressed and interested because of your status, don’t be surprised if she leaves once the market crashes…

Do you have a pre-game rituals you follow before you go out?

Well, I don’t sarge anymore – don’t need to/don’t want to – but when I did, I listened to Prodigy’s “Smack My Bitch Up”.

A lot of people equate success with sex and money. But what does success mean to you?

Connection – that is success now…used to be the ‘result’ of sex, or a number, but now it’s all about finding ways to connect – that’s the real art of it. When to disclose, when to withhold, when to probe, when to chill, when to be vulnerable…very hard to be sensitive enough to know this.

What are a couple of books you think every man should read? Films you think every man should see?

Books: “How To Get A Girlfriend” by Stephen Nash (of course); “Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida; “The Red Queen” by Matt Ripley; “Story of O”; “The Collected Poems of Pablo Neruda”.

What is the best advice someone ever gave you?

Stop trying to hard; stop thinking so much…I venture to guess that each guy out there is mangling this one.

What were some of the highs and lows of your career as a professional pickup artist?

High and Low would have to be Project Hollywood – learned a lot, though we all drowned a bit in the deep end. I needed a serious break after that.

What advice would you give people about realizing fantasies or making their dreams come true?

Give up the fantasies and go for your dreams.

Are there any events that changed or shaped your life?

Being in the west village of Manhattan on 9-11…and accepting that I wanted a better life, and to make that happen slowly, deliberately, yet definitely…

What is your latest product or workshop really about?

Becoming a truly autonomous man with real choice and power in his life. We teach a guy how to grow up and actually become attractive, and happy. Most guys feel like they need a girl to be happy, and often this is subconscious aim – they forget to live FIRST, then let the women-thing happen…we teach this, as well as social skills – we’re not spitting out machines, we’re helping guys become men.

What do you offer a new woman when you first meet her?

I try to be as honest as possible. I will compliment her, for example. Interestingly, as I have become more and more centered in myself – this is all that I need to do to begin ‘something’ with her. I also let her know that I am someone with integrity – I arrive on time, for example, and I absolutely behave like a gentleman. So many guys get the horrible message thru this community that making women uncomfortable and insecure is good – this is such terrible advice. It might work on club-girls, via which most of ‘the game’ material was created, but in truth, with a real woman with a real life, it’s a lame lame move…assert yourself, learn to lead, and be honest and trustworthy – this is the real and only answer.

Why did you get into this business?

To try to offer a healthy alternative to what is basically bad, ‘quick fix’ advice.

What are your future plans?

Continue with CEIC, of course, but also to do more writing. Mostly, to carry my existing relationship into marriage, kids etc…family is the goal on this front.

Describe your dream girl. When you meet her will you settle down and stop seducing other women? What type of girl do you take with you on a deserted island?

Kindness, honest, strong and beautiful. I already know her, and seduce her about 5 times per week…it’s a good thing.

What is the biggest misconception people have about you?

I haven’t a clue.

Take us through the process of how you seduce and bed a girl. How do you do it differently than others?

Well, there is no formula – but one has to know the windows of opportunity, and then one has to have the courage to move through them. Basically, the structure goes like:

Kiss
Touch
Intimate touch
Sex

These four are usually covered over two times together. Seeing these points, and having the courage to ACT is the key. You don’t need a routine or gimmick – what guys need are balls…

What CD is playing in your version of hell?

Phil Collins – No Jacket Required

What are your worst — and best — personal characteristics?

Worst – arrogance – I can be a real snob
Best – very sensitive – harnessed well, I am very attentive and keen with others…however, it can go too far.

What do you really think of all this…. doing this kind of stuff?

It’s good – in moderation. If it becomes a lifestyle, as it did with me back in ProHo days, it becomes detrimental and unhealthy. Seeing women as targets is an indication that my life is a game, if my life is a game I have no chance of relating to others as equals…I have to first learn and accept that I am human, and then that is something I can have with others – this is the key, to stop being a child and start being a man – I have to see myself as human first, only then can I cease playing games and wasting time.

Good luck!

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